Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Mo Gawdat, an executive and software engineer at Google, has been curious about happiness for years. When his son died suddenly, he took inspiration from the happy young man he lost to get his thought together on the subject and produce Solve for Happy.

To Gawdat, happiness isn’t something we gain, it’s something we lose or bury. Happiness his how we would normally feel, what he calls our “default state,” but we let all manner of thoughts make us unhappy.

What buries our native happiness? It’s the suffering we experience when the events of our life do not meet expectations. Gawdat illustrates this in his book with a balance with the events on one side and expectations on the other.

Donte be quick to blame unhappiness on the events of life. Gawdat points the finger at expectations.

Our expectations are often out of touch with reality. We suffer under misperceptions, illusions, blind spots and lies we tell ourselves. Gawdat identifies 13 such issues and challenges them. As long as you cling to beliefs and biases that lead to false expectations, you’ll suffer.

Experiencing the greatest joy involves embracing the truth. Gawdat describes five things he believes to be true that lead to joy.

I’m reminded of The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. Dr. Peck calls for a devotion to truth. Like Gawdat, Peck believed that every life has some pain, but a lot of additional, unnecessary pain is caused when we refuse to deal with reality.

I think there is a lot to be said for Gawdat’s overall concept. I can see in myself and others a lot of pain and disappointment that has its roots in false expectations, refusal to deal with reality and the avoidance of the hard (but rewarding) work of living and growing as a person. I don’t agree with every detail of Gawdat’s book, but don’t think you have to in order to gain useful insights from it.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

The Language of God by Francis S. Collins

Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Self Love by Robert H. Schuller

Gawdat, Mo. Solve for Happy: Engineering Your Path to Joy. New York: North Star Way, 2017.

In Pursuit of Happiness by Frank Minirth

Happiness is something we can produce, at least in part, from the choices we make and the things we do. Psychiatrist Frank Minirth emphasizes the choices that lead to happiness in his book, In Pursuit of Happiness.

Minirth is particularly known for his work in Christian psychology. The book is full of references to the Bible, with scriptures selected to provide advice in several areas of life that have a strong effect no happiness. I found this to be one of the best parts of the book.

The author is also a medical doctor. As such, he also believes that some can benefit from drugs, other medical treatment and psychological counseling. He emphasizes the power of God, but he does not minimize the benefits of medicine. The main body of the book does not deal much with the medical treatment of depression, anxiety or other treatable disorders that affect happiness other to point to the potential benefits of medical treatment. However, the book includes several appendices on the biological causes and medical treatment (including drugs) of anxiety, depression, dementia and other diseases.

Most of the book is very easy to read. Each chapter plainly follows an outline and flows from subject to subject. To a great degree, readers may skip around to the chapters that are most relevant to them and still make sense of the book.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Anxious for Nothing by Max Lucado

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die by John Izzo

Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

I Can Make You Happy by Paul McKenna

The Instinct to Heal by David Servan-Schreiber

It's Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel

Language and the Pursuit of Happiness by Chalmers Brothers

Lost Connections by Hari Johnson

The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven

100 Ways to Happiness by Timothy Sharp

Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine M. Pittman & Elizabeth M. Karle

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

The Solution by Lucinda Bassett

Think 4:8 by Tommy Newberry & Lyn Smith

Vital Friends by Tom Rath

Minirth, Frank. In Pursuit of Happiness: Choices that Can Change Your Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Fleming H. Revell, 2004.

450 Books Reviewed on Keenan's Book Reviews

I’ve posted reviews of 450 books on this blog. Here are links to the 50 most recent posts. Further down are links to more reviews.

First Time Reviews

As a Man Thinketh by James Allen

The Big Thing by Phyllis Korkki

Choosing Civility by P. M. Forni

Duel with the Devil by Paul Collins

Faith by Jimmy Carter

The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die by John Izzo

The Gentleman Scientists by Tom Schachtman

Get Smart! by Brian Tracy

Haggai

The Holy Bible

How Not to Be Wrong by Jordan Ellenberg

How to Improve Your Memory by James D. Weinland

How We Got to Now by Steven Johnson

I Can Make You Happy by Paul McKenna

The Irresistible Introvert by Michaela Chung

The Language of God by Francis S. Collins

The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need by Paul Pearsall

Learn Better by Ulrich Boser

Malachi

Major Prophets

Marvel Comics: The Untold Story by Sean Howe

Minor Prophets

Move by Rosabeth Moss Canter

My Inventions by Nikola Tesla

Nearing Home by Billy Graham

The Numerati by Stephen Baker

100 Ways to Happiness by Timothy Sharp

Overwhelmed by Brigid Schulte

Positive Words, Powerful Results by Hal Urban

The Power Makers by Maury Klein

Reposition Yourself by T. D. Jakes

Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine M. Pittman & Elizabeth M. Karle

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Road to the Sea by Florence Dorsey

Shut Up & Write! by Judy Bridges

Six Easy Pieces by Richard Feynman

The Society for Useful Knowledge by Jonathan Lyons

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Stan Lee by Bob Batchelor

Suggestible You by Erik Vance

The Supergirls by Mike Madrid

Take the Leap by Heather McCloskey Beck

Think 4:8 by Tommy Newberry & Lyn Smith

Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

Seduction of the Innocent by Max Allan Collins

Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg

You are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero

Zechariah

Zepheniah

First 25 Reviews

Reviews 26-50

Reviews 51-75

Reviews 76-100

Reviews 101-150

Reviews 151-200

Reviews 201-250

Reviews 250-300

Reviews 301-350

Reviews 351-400

The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Research psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky made a study of the things that contribute to happiness. Even if you haven’t read her book, The How of Happiness, some a particular facts she introduced have been shared by many authors since, and you may have heard them. Name, people have a natural happiness set point, which accounts for half of how happy they feel. One’s life circumstances account for one-tenth of the happiness one experiences. The remaining 40 percent is the result of a person’s actions and ways of thinking.

There are some important lessons to take from this discovery.

*Do not compare your happiness to others. Some people are naturally more or less happy than you. Give yourself a break if you cannot sustain the ecstasy someone else seems to have and be graceful to those who never seem to be as happy or upbeat as you are.

*You probably do not need to change your life circumstances to be much happier. Admittedly, someone facing severe poverty or routine physical danger has a lot of reason to be unhappy; better life circumstances will make a big difference for them. However, if you live in a safe place and have enough to meet your needs, getting more is not likely to make a significant improvement in your happiness.

*A large portion of your happiness is under your control, and you can choose to take actions and think in ways that make you happier.

That is, you can learn to be happier. Any learning requires effort and commitment, but it is within your reach

Much of the book is a discussion of strategies for becoming happier that are backed by research. You do not need to try them all. You can play to your strengths and use strategies that fit your values. The book contains a test to help you identify the strategies that may be most useful to you. You can skip straight to the relevant chapters to find things you can do and get started right away, though reading the other chapters will be useful because you may discover other things in them that are fitting for you.

Lyuobomirsky’s strategies suggest there is more than one kind of happiness and more than one way to be happy. Everyone is unique, so if something that works for someone else isn’t working for you, there is still a route to happiness for you, and you might find it in this book. For myself, I’ve noticed that my perspectives and priorities have changed over the course of my life, and the amount that various things contribute to or detract from my happiness have changed as well.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman

The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven

100 Ways to Happiness by Timothy Sharp

The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson with Miriam Z. Klipper

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Thanks! by Robert A. Emmons

Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. New York: Penguin, 2007.

Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman

What if it is within your power to make yourself happy or unhappy? Barry Neil Kaufman is convinced you can. The theme of his book is as simple as the title, Happiness is a Choice.

To Kaufman, unhappiness is a learned response. We face many situations, some are stressful or things we would not have chosen, but our emotional response to them is largely a matter of our judgment of them. If we change our perspective, if we develop a new vision, our feelings will change, too.

The book contains many examples form Kaufman’s life and from the experiences of his clients. He and his wife have an autistic son. They look at is as a challenge to love, engage with and communicate with someone who deals with the world in a different way. One of his clients was devastated by the loss of his mother. He chose to remember all of the ways she helped him and had a positive influence on his life. His gratitude lifted his spirits.

This points to something I think is worth noting. You do not have to solve problems to be happy. Kaufman never suggests that problems will disappear or that things will always be to your liking. He is persistent in suggesting that you can find a new way to look at it so you can respond with more happiness.

Happiness, then, is more important than getting what you want. You won’t always get what you want, but you don’t have to be unhappy about it. This is the first of Kaufman’s six shortcuts to happiness.

These shortcuts are mindsets that help you focus on ways to be happy in any circumstance. I’ve already mentioned another: letting go of judgment.

All the shortcuts can be summarized in one. Decide to be happy.

Happiness isn’t necessarily ecstasy. Kaufman ties happiness to love. Happiness is loving yourself.  Loving others is being happy with them. In any situation, you can choose love and happiness.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry

I Can Make You Happy by Paul McKenna

The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need by Paul Pearsall

Mindset by Carol S. Dweck

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Think 4:8 by Tommy Newberry & Lyn Smith

Kaufman, Barry Neil. Happiness is a Choice. New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1991.

Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine M. Pittman & Elizabeth M. Karle

We can face all kinds of situations that cause anxiety. For some of us, that anxiety can be overwhelming and get in the way of living the life we want. Feelings of anxiety are produced in the brain as a response to triggering circumstances, and we can retrain our brains to lessen our anxious responses. Psychologist Catherine M. Pittman and her co-author Elizabeth M. Karle explain this in Rewire Your Anxious Brain.

The authors devote quite a bit of the book to describing the workings of those parts of the brain most involved in our sense of fear and anxiety. These are the amygdala and the cortex.

The amygdala has a lot of control over our fight, flight or freeze response. It is centrally located and well connected in the brain, so it can produce a powerful response before our thinking mind—the cortex—can figure out what is going on. In addition, the amygdala has its own emotional memories, independent of the cortex, so you may have an anxious response to a stimulus you have little conscious awareness of.

A big part of dealing with anxiety is retraining the amygdala. This can be difficult because it involves exposure to situations that produce anxiety. When you face those situations and see that there is no negative impact, or that they were less than you expected and you can handle it (you didn’t die), your amygdala learns that these situation aren’t so threatening and it will stop producing anxious responses. The authors show how you can take this in steps, starting will less anxiety-inducing stimulus and working your way up, but it may be faster to dive into the deep end.

Retraining the amygdala can be aided by relaxation. The book describes several relaxation practices.

Though the amygdala is always involved in producing anxiety, the cortex can be the source of it or can perpetuate it. Retraining the cortex is mainly a matter of changing your thinking. When you recognize anxiety-producing thoughts, you can change what you are thinking. You might use countering thoughts that you prepared for the situation or you might distract yourself by thinking of something altogether different. Mindfulness is a helpful practice in that it helps you to recognize that your thoughts are not necessarily the reality and you can remain peaceful while the thoughts come and go.

The book is a mix of science and how-to aimed and helping anxious people find relief. The authors strongly suggest that you get help, and I think this is a reasonable suggestion. If anxiety is interfering with your life, you will probably benefit from the aid of a professional. This book can help you understand what is happening and what can be done about it, but you may need some help to actually adapt them your own needs and put them into practice.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Procrastination Equation by Piers Steel

The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson with Miriam Z. Klipper

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

The Solution by Lucinda Bassett

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Pittman, Catherine M., & Elizabeth M. Karle. Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic & Worry. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2015.

The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need by Paul Pearsall

Self-help books are baloney. Psychologist Paul Pearsall didn’t go that far, but he encouraged readers of his book The Last Self-Help Book You’ll Ever Need to have a healthy skepticism about the advice and claims of self-help books. Much of the standard advice in the genre is unsupported by research and sometimes just wrong.

Pearsall’s chief criticism of self-help is its focus on the personal and individual. He argued that there is more joy and fulfillment, along with better solutions to our problems, to be found in the interpersonal and relational aspects of life.

Good relationships are largely a matter of the value you place in them. If you want to others to like you, find ways to like them first. To get love, give love. To find a partner, become someone who would be a good partner. Look for the best in others and overlook their faults. Lasting, loving relationships are based on commitment, not passing, emotional passion.

Another important aspect of Pearsall’s perspective is that there is much to be said for accepting life as it is, good and bad, instead of buying into self-help’s striving for the perfect life.

Life is never going to be perfect anyway. There is no reason to make yourself crazy trying. Instead, aim for a good life of deep enjoyment and engagement. Life is chaotic. Remain calm and learn to enjoy the messy reality. Practice mindfulness; accept the facts of life as it is, but do not passively accept the interpretation you may receive from others. You find the great pleasures and great challenges of living in thinking for yourself.

The themes of relationships and mindful acceptance run through all the chapters of the book. In addition to those areas already mentioned, Pearsall address health and work.

If you’ve read a lot of self-help, you may feel burdened by the gap between where you are and where self-help authors say you can be. Pearsall’s book may be an antidote for that. At the very least, reading it may put things in perspective and help you give yourself a break.

Paul Pearsall also wrote

The Beethoven Factor

Toxic Success

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Pearsall, Paul. The Last Self-Help Book You’ll Ever Need. New York: Basic Books, 2006.

New & Interesting Stuff November 11, 2017

New & Interesting Stuff July 29, 2017

100 Ways to Happiness by Timothy Sharp

The Power Makers by Maury Klein

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop

Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg

Cure by Jo Marchant

Over my lifetime, I’ve observed an increasing interest in the connection between mind and body. It is not a new concept, but it has gained ground and the Cartesian distinction between mind and body has eroded. However, how we are still learning how it works and the extent to which it is effective in the treatment of disease. Geneticist and science writer Jo Marchant explores these issues in Cure.

Marchant considers three areas in which there appears to be mind-body connections that have promise for use in medical settings. First is the placebo effect. Next, she looks at meditation, biofeedback and hypnosis. Finally, she discusses the effects of our viewpoint, especially how increase or reduce stress.

We are equipped with an internal pharmacy that can reduce or aggravate pain, and it can be triggered by something as vague as our expectations. This placebo affect can be as powerful as drugs at reducing pain and some other symptoms of disease, which can make it difficult to test the effectiveness of drugs. Some physicians are starting to change their minds about the placebo effect. Instead of seeing it as a problem that gets in the way of testing drugs, they are seeing it a potential substitute for drugs. The placebo effect has limitations; it can reduce pain and symptoms, but it does not cure the underlying disease or injury. There is also a nocebo effect, which causes pain and fatigue.

Another interesting effect discussed by Marchant is conditioning of the immune system. In some cases, we can prompt the immune system to have a conditioned response; we can train it. After taking a drug, the immune system can reproduce the response to the drug at lower doses. We can strengthen the conditioning by accompanying the drug with strong rituals; repeating the rituals can produce the response to some degree. This holds some promise for improving the effectiveness of drugs and reducing the dose needed to be effective, especially when a drug as serious side effects. I thought this was fascinating.

Our brain is more connected, and in control, of our bodily functions that we previously realized. Meditation, hypnosis and biofeedback can allow people to exercise control over operations of the body that were previously thought to be automatic or even independent of the brain. This includes pain, blood flow, stress response, heart rate variability and vagal tone.

Relationships also have a profound effect on our health. Strong social connections keep us young, and lack of relationships is harmful to our health. Our own compassion for others can reduce stress hormones and inflammation. When physicians, surgeons, nurses and other health care professionals care for their patients as people, those patients receiving the emotional support experience less pain and longer lives.

Marchant shows there is potential for a new way of doing medicine, or room to reintroduce older practices. By slowing down and showing genuine concern for patients, doctors can multiply the effect of their treatment. Teaching people to slow down and pay attention to their bodies, the people they love and the good things in their lives, we can take advantage of the healing capacities of the mind and body. Medicine can be less about dispensing drugs and more about lifestyle and relationship.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

Change Your Brain Change Your Body by Daniel G. Amen

Descarte’s Secret Notebook by Amir D. Aczel

Ecclesiastes

The Genius in All of Us by David Shenk

I Can Make You Happy by Paul McKenna

I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna

Instant Self-Hypnosis by Forbes Robbins Blair

Job

The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need by Paul Pearsall

Overwhelmed by Brigid Schulte

Psalms

The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson with Miriam Z. Klipper

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

The Solution by Lucinda Bassett

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Suggestible You by Erik Vance

Switch on Your Brain by Caroline Leaf

Take the Leap by Heather McCloskey Beck

Timeless Healing by Herbert Benson with Marg Stark

Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg

Marchant, Jo. Cure: A Journey into the Science of Mind over Body. New York: Crown, 2016.

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

Sometimes it seems like we’re all sick and crazy. This may stem from a focus on trying to find and fix what is wrong with us. Psychologist Paul Pearsall referred to this as a pathogenic focus. In his book The Beethoven Factor, he discusses the field of positive psychology, which focuses on what is right with people and what we can learn from those who are well adjusted, happy and healthy. In particular, Pearsall focuses on thriving.

Thriving is growth in the aftermath, and even in the midst of, stressful situations. The people he discusses and learns from in his book, some patients of his and many his fellow patients in a cancer ward, often suffered greatly from disease, war, poverty and other hardships. These people had there ups and downs, but they managed an emotional upward trend.

The heart of thriving is a flexible explanatory style. We’re all telling ourselves stories that interpret and evaluate our lives. People who thrive are adaptive and creative in the stories they tell themselves, which allows them to savor and find meaning in their lives even while suffering.

Thriving can be paradoxical, especially from a pathogenic outlook: someone is becoming stronger in a situation that is expected to make them weaker. Those who thrive can defy the expectations the traditional view of healthy thinking. They work on themselves, which can sometimes make them seem aloof or insensitive. They can be in denial, but they use it to give themselves a temporary escape for pain and time to think. They can be hard to like because of their intensity; when someone is getting the most out of life, they may have little patience for interruptions, naysayers and whiners. They are reflective, which can make them seem withdrawn. They can be depressed, down on themselves and loose hope as they make their journey. Thriving is a process of learning, so it can take a long time, though sometimes someone will catch on quickly.

Pearsall offers a lot of advice on how to thrive, especially in the second half of the book (the first half focuses on introducing positive psychology and defining thriving). This section focuses on four aspects of thriving: hardiness, happiness, healing and hope.

Hardiness comes from our beliefs. Hardy people have beliefs that help them commit to engaging in living, finding a sense of control—which includes knowing when to let go of control—and seeing the difficulties they face and challenges they can cope with if not overcome.

Happiness is rooted in flow. It is focus and engagement in life. Happy people push aside distractions, expectations and striving for things that don’t really bring them joy.

Healing is fundamentally learning. We all suffer to some extent in our lives, and these periods of sickness or other hardship are telling us to slow down and pay attention. Healing people learn to make sense of what happens (in their own ways),  cope with it, and find meaning in their experiences.

Hoping is what Pearsall calls “cautious optimism.” People who hope find a way to hold onto their dreams, or come up with new dreams, without expecting on depending on them. They imagine that the world, imperfect as it is, may be the best possible world, so they get on with seeking all they can enjoy in it.

Pearsall offers his readers a big dose of practical grace. If you’re really finding your own way to cope with adversity in a way the truly engages life as fully as you can, you’re on the path to thriving and it is okay that you may not be the upbeat, outgoing, positive, realistic person that your psychologists, physicians, self-help books and friends think you should be. Living is learning, especially in times of sickness and difficulty; learning is challenging, slow work that requires focus and imagination. If you’re learning, you will struggle and be worn out sometimes. You’ll also be engaged in life in a way that puts you in an uneven, but upward trend, instead of spiraling downward in despair.

Paul Pearsall also wrote

The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need

Toxic Success

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson with Miriam Z. Klipper

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Pearsall, Paul. The Beethoven Factor: The New Positive Psychology of Hardiness, Happiness, Healing, and Hope.  Charlottesville, VA: Hampton Roads, 2003.