The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Research psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky made a study of the things that contribute to happiness. Even if you haven’t read her book, The How of Happiness, some a particular facts she introduced have been shared by many authors since, and you may have heard them. Name, people have a natural happiness set point, which accounts for half of how happy they feel. One’s life circumstances account for one-tenth of the happiness one experiences. The remaining 40 percent is the result of a person’s actions and ways of thinking.

There are some important lessons to take from this discovery.

*Do not compare your happiness to others. Some people are naturally more or less happy than you. Give yourself a break if you cannot sustain the ecstasy someone else seems to have and be graceful to those who never seem to be as happy or upbeat as you are.

*You probably do not need to change your life circumstances to be much happier. Admittedly, someone facing severe poverty or routine physical danger has a lot of reason to be unhappy; better life circumstances will make a big difference for them. However, if you live in a safe place and have enough to meet your needs, getting more is not likely to make a significant improvement in your happiness.

*A large portion of your happiness is under your control, and you can choose to take actions and think in ways that make you happier.

That is, you can learn to be happier. Any learning requires effort and commitment, but it is within your reach

Much of the book is a discussion of strategies for becoming happier that are backed by research. You do not need to try them all. You can play to your strengths and use strategies that fit your values. The book contains a test to help you identify the strategies that may be most useful to you. You can skip straight to the relevant chapters to find things you can do and get started right away, though reading the other chapters will be useful because you may discover other things in them that are fitting for you.

Lyuobomirsky’s strategies suggest there is more than one kind of happiness and more than one way to be happy. Everyone is unique, so if something that works for someone else isn’t working for you, there is still a route to happiness for you, and you might find it in this book. For myself, I’ve noticed that my perspectives and priorities have changed over the course of my life, and the amount that various things contribute to or detract from my happiness have changed as well.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman

The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven

100 Ways to Happiness by Timothy Sharp

The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson with Miriam Z. Klipper

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Thanks! by Robert A. Emmons

Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. New York: Penguin, 2007.

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

Ben-Shahar, Tal. Happier: Learn the Secrets of Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2007.

Happier is based on a popular class Dr. Ben-Shahar teaches at Harvard University. The author refers to happiness as the ultimate currency, and in that light, it is not surprising that so many people are seeking more of it.

Ben-Shahar frames happiness as a balance of present and future benefits. Many people sacrifice present pleasure for hopes of a more desirable future; they’re rat-racers. Hedonists seek momentary pleasures without regard for the future. Those who’ve given up on finding happiness in both the present and future are nihilists. Happiness is found in a life that has future benefits that is enjoyable along the way.

Happiness is about more that just pleasure, which is hollow by itself. Happy people lead lives they find meaningful. In a sense, a meaningful life provides the ultimate future benefit. Pairing meaning with enjoyment along the way, present pleasure, leads to happiness. This doesn’t lead to a life free of negative emotions or perpetual positivity; Ben-Shahar thinks that is unrealistic and probably unfulfilling and throughout the book reminds readers of the balanced definition of happiness.

The middle section of the book tackles some of the practical matters of happiness in education, work and relationships. School is all about present sacrifice for future payoff. That mindset can send people in to careers they find to be meaningless drudgery. The same attitudes can come into relationships. Happiness in the real world sometimes means setting aside the expectations of others and society and acting on what you personally find meaningful and pleasurable. Not everyone has the luxury of putting off all obligations and doing their own thing, but nearly everyone can do something to introduce more happiness into their lives.



In closing, Ben-Shahar offers a number of “meditations.” These chapters offer exercises, of both practice and thought, for building happiness on our lives.

In Pursuit of Happiness by Frank Minirth

Happiness is something we can produce, at least in part, from the choices we make and the things we do. Psychiatrist Frank Minirth emphasizes the choices that lead to happiness in his book, In Pursuit of Happiness.

Minirth is particularly known for his work in Christian psychology. The book is full of references to the Bible, with scriptures selected to provide advice in several areas of life that have a strong effect no happiness. I found this to be one of the best parts of the book.

The author is also a medical doctor. As such, he also believes that some can benefit from drugs, other medical treatment and psychological counseling. He emphasizes the power of God, but he does not minimize the benefits of medicine. The main body of the book does not deal much with the medical treatment of depression, anxiety or other treatable disorders that affect happiness other to point to the potential benefits of medical treatment. However, the book includes several appendices on the biological causes and medical treatment (including drugs) of anxiety, depression, dementia and other diseases.

Most of the book is very easy to read. Each chapter plainly follows an outline and flows from subject to subject. To a great degree, readers may skip around to the chapters that are most relevant to them and still make sense of the book.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Anxious for Nothing by Max Lucado

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die by John Izzo

Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

I Can Make You Happy by Paul McKenna

The Instinct to Heal by David Servan-Schreiber

It's Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel

Language and the Pursuit of Happiness by Chalmers Brothers

Lost Connections by Hari Johnson

The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven

100 Ways to Happiness by Timothy Sharp

Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine M. Pittman & Elizabeth M. Karle

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

The Solution by Lucinda Bassett

Think 4:8 by Tommy Newberry & Lyn Smith

Vital Friends by Tom Rath

Minirth, Frank. In Pursuit of Happiness: Choices that Can Change Your Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Fleming H. Revell, 2004.

Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman

What if it is within your power to make yourself happy or unhappy? Barry Neil Kaufman is convinced you can. The theme of his book is as simple as the title, Happiness is a Choice.

To Kaufman, unhappiness is a learned response. We face many situations, some are stressful or things we would not have chosen, but our emotional response to them is largely a matter of our judgment of them. If we change our perspective, if we develop a new vision, our feelings will change, too.

The book contains many examples form Kaufman’s life and from the experiences of his clients. He and his wife have an autistic son. They look at is as a challenge to love, engage with and communicate with someone who deals with the world in a different way. One of his clients was devastated by the loss of his mother. He chose to remember all of the ways she helped him and had a positive influence on his life. His gratitude lifted his spirits.

This points to something I think is worth noting. You do not have to solve problems to be happy. Kaufman never suggests that problems will disappear or that things will always be to your liking. He is persistent in suggesting that you can find a new way to look at it so you can respond with more happiness.

Happiness, then, is more important than getting what you want. You won’t always get what you want, but you don’t have to be unhappy about it. This is the first of Kaufman’s six shortcuts to happiness.

These shortcuts are mindsets that help you focus on ways to be happy in any circumstance. I’ve already mentioned another: letting go of judgment.

All the shortcuts can be summarized in one. Decide to be happy.

Happiness isn’t necessarily ecstasy. Kaufman ties happiness to love. Happiness is loving yourself.  Loving others is being happy with them. In any situation, you can choose love and happiness.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry

I Can Make You Happy by Paul McKenna

The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need by Paul Pearsall

Mindset by Carol S. Dweck

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Think 4:8 by Tommy Newberry & Lyn Smith

Kaufman, Barry Neil. Happiness is a Choice. New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1991.

The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven

Psychologist David Niven draws lessons from scientific studies on happiness in The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People. The book has 100 short chapters. Each has a recommendation based on the results of research. The book was published in 2000 and the research cited was published in the mid- to late-1990s.

As you might expect from such a structure, the book seems to go all over the place. Even so, some themes and trends are readily discernable.

For instance, relationships have a profound effect on happiness—more important than our material possessions. If we have close relationships with friends or family, we are much more likely to feel good about ourselves. Supportiveness in relationships is important to our happiness and it works both ways—giving and receiving. Being a good friend is as important as having friends; follow through on your commitments. Make peace with others; the pain of working through the conflict is usually much less than the pain of losing a relationship. Relationships are important at every age.

A sense of purpose and goals are also important to happiness. Volunteering is a good way to find a sense of purpose; helping others can help us feel better. Goals should be realistic—working toward and attaining goals feels good, but striving toward goals you cannot reach causes dissatisfaction. Celebrate your achievements along the way and remember them.

Your thoughts and outlook also affect your happiness. If you must assume what is motivating someone’s action, assuming the best will lead to more happiness. Don’t dwell on past problems or think of what might have been; concentrate on what you can do now to step toward where you want to go. Remember happy moments from your past to be happier today.

Related to that, be grateful for what have. Having a lot does not contribute as much to happiness as enjoying and appreciating what you have. By the way, watching television can lead to discontentment by stirring up covetousness.

There is a lot of other advice in Niven’s book. If you pick it up, you’re likely to find something that might help you be a little happier.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Attitude is Everything by Jeff Keller

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

Niven, David. The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientist Have Learned and How You Can Use It. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2000.

100 Ways to Happiness by Timothy Sharp

What if happiness is something you could practice? You co do certain things and those actions would lead to and support happiness. I’m simplifying, but that is the basic premise of psychologist Timothy J. Sharp in 100 Ways to Happiness.

Practice and doing are the aim of the book, so Sharp does not dwell on theory. Of course, many people want to bring more happiness into the lives they have. Only a few of them want to delve into psychology, and there are plenty of other books they can read.

The book is divided into five main sections. It seems to me that this is intended to help people get to the area where they want to increase happiness most and pick up the others later. You can read this book out of sequence. Each section stands on its own and so do many of the short chapters.

I do not mean to imply that the book is shallow. It is not easy to condense a topic into a few pages; most of the chapters are two pages long. I was impressed that Sharp could provide clear, action-oriented summaries of subjects that other books would take many pages to explain. The point is to do something. Instead of thinking about how to be happy, pick a tip that resonates with you and do it. Work on it until it becomes a habit and then work on another.

Some of Sharps tips that resonated with me are:

-Make time to regularly do something you enjoy.

-Make small changes. When you make a small change stick, you can start another. They add up to big changes.

-Practice gratitude. I’m convinced that a grateful attitude is immensely important for a joyful life.

-Move more and take care of your body. Feeling good, rested and healthy contributes to feeling happy.

-Build good relationships. That means making the best of the intimate relationships you have and making friends with positive people who can encourage you to live a happier life.

-Know your values and take action consistent with them.

-Challenge your thoughts and feelings. Are they true? Are they helpful?

-Use your imagination. Sharp suggest several simple ways you can visualize the life you want.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life by Alan Lakein

Just Say Thanks! by R. T. Kendall

Little Shifts by Suzanna Beth Stinnet

One Small Step Can Change Your Life by Robert Maurer

Small Move, Big Change by Caroline L. Arnold

Thanks! by Robert A. Emmons

Why Good Things Happen to Good People by Stephen Post and Jill Neimark

Sharp, Timothy J. 100 Ways to Happiness: A Guide for Busy People. New York: MJF Books, 2008.

No Excuses by Brian Tracy

In his book No Excuses!, self-help, business and sales author Brian Tracy says that there are several strategies that can lead to success. Self-discipline makes them all work.

For Tracy, self-discipline is the same as self-control, self-denial, delayed gratification and self-mastery. As you might guess from this description, he relates discipline to character. One of the important aspects of exercising discipline, even more than what you achieve by it, is who you become by it. Self-discipline leads to greater character, courage and persistence.

Self-discipline is also important to having a great personal life. Our relationships with spouses, children and friends, our physical fitness, and even our happiness and internal peace can be improved by discipline.

Of course, as you would expect from Tracy, he addresses the importance of discipline in business and work. Discipline is important to success in every aspect of business.

If you’ve read many self-help or business books, you may have seen many of the ideas presented by Tracy in No Excuses! Even so, some are so simple, powerful, possibly obvious and often overlooked that they bear repeating.

-Always be improving your skills.

-Writing down your goals greatly increases the likelihood you will complete them.

-When you are at work, work.

-If you want to be wealthy, save money.

-Spend most of your time on your most valuable activities.

Tracy presents an interesting idea that you may not have seen elsewhere. Happiness is not an end to itself; it is not something you achieve. Instead, happiness arises out of the process of doing what you love, having great relationships and meeting needs. To paraphrase the cliché, happiness doesn’t come from reaching a destination, it comes from enjoying the journey.

Tracy brings up another worthy concept about discipline. Disciplining yourself in one area helps you to discipline yourself in another. Every chapter in the book is about using self-discipline in a different aspect of life. Don’t burn out trying to do it all at once. Pick an area or two that you find most important or needful and begin disciplining yourself in those areas. When you make a habit of being disciplined in those areas, it will be easier to be more self-disciplined in other areas as well.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life by Alan Lakein

The Procrastination Equation by Piers Steel

The Richest Man Who Ever Lived by Steven K. Scott

The Thinking Life by P. M. Forni

Tracy, Brian. No Excuses! The Power of Self-Discipline. New York: MJF, 2010.

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Happiness is a Choice by Frank B. Minirth and Paul D Meier

I’ve been reading a lot about anxiety and depression lately, and it has led me to some older books, such as Happiness is a Choice by psychiatrists Frank B. Minirth and Paul D. Meier. The book appears to be written for a mixed audience of therapists who may be treating patients with depression and people who may pick up the book as a self-help guide. If depression is affecting your life, I recommend you talk to your physician or reach out for appropriate counseling; there are effective therapies and in some cases drugs may be appropropriate.

The book may be broken into three major parts. The first deals with the symptoms of depression. Though it is fairly widely know now (thanks largely to drug advertising), it was probably less known in 1978 when this book was published, that there are physical symptoms to depression. Feeling bad emotionally can make us feel bad physically and vice-versa.

The second part deals with the causes of depression. These are particularly stress and trauma. We all face trauma in life, and it does not have to be “major” to result in depression. We all grieve losses, get angry over the way we or others are mistreated, face dysfunction in relationships and countless other stresses and traumas. Any of us may suffer a blow that leads to depression.

“Who gets depressed? At some period of life, nearly everyone does!” Frank B. Minirth and Paul D. Meier, Happiness is a Choice

Finally, they deal with the treatment of depression. Much of Minirth and Meier’s advice deals with thinking and relationships. Therapy may occur at a counselor’s office, but healing takes place in everyday life, thoughts and relationships.

The book also contains appendices that deal with things that may be of more interest to therapist. These include a few very brief case studies, a short chapter on the biology of depression and additional information on various types of treatment.

Minirth and Meier are known as Christian counselors who discuss faith alongside medicine. This book is no exception. The authors reference the Bible and draw lessons from it. Though many may find useful advice in this book, I think it would especially appeal to Christian who are seeking help that is consistent with their faith. Their advice on overcoming depression and anxiety is rooted in their religion.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Anxious for Nothing by Max Lucado

The Mindful Way through Depression by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindal Segal & Joh Kabat-Zinn

Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine M. Pittman & Elizabeth M. Karle

The Solution by Lucinda Bassett

Think 4:8 by Tommy Newberry & Lyn Smith

12 “Christian” Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Minirth, Frank B., and Paul D. Meier. Happiness is a Choice: A Manual on the Symptoms, Causes and Cures of Depression. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker House, 1978.

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Mo Gawdat, an executive and software engineer at Google, has been curious about happiness for years. When his son died suddenly, he took inspiration from the happy young man he lost to get his thought together on the subject and produce Solve for Happy.

To Gawdat, happiness isn’t something we gain, it’s something we lose or bury. Happiness his how we would normally feel, what he calls our “default state,” but we let all manner of thoughts make us unhappy.

What buries our native happiness? It’s the suffering we experience when the events of our life do not meet expectations. Gawdat illustrates this in his book with a balance with the events on one side and expectations on the other.

Donte be quick to blame unhappiness on the events of life. Gawdat points the finger at expectations.

Our expectations are often out of touch with reality. We suffer under misperceptions, illusions, blind spots and lies we tell ourselves. Gawdat identifies 13 such issues and challenges them. As long as you cling to beliefs and biases that lead to false expectations, you’ll suffer.

Experiencing the greatest joy involves embracing the truth. Gawdat describes five things he believes to be true that lead to joy.

I’m reminded of The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. Dr. Peck calls for a devotion to truth. Like Gawdat, Peck believed that every life has some pain, but a lot of additional, unnecessary pain is caused when we refuse to deal with reality.

I think there is a lot to be said for Gawdat’s overall concept. I can see in myself and others a lot of pain and disappointment that has its roots in false expectations, refusal to deal with reality and the avoidance of the hard (but rewarding) work of living and growing as a person. I don’t agree with every detail of Gawdat’s book, but don’t think you have to in order to gain useful insights from it.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

The Language of God by Francis S. Collins

Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Self Love by Robert H. Schuller

Gawdat, Mo. Solve for Happy: Engineering Your Path to Joy. New York: North Star Way, 2017.

I Can Make You Happy by Paul McKenna

The notion that we can intentionally make ourselves happier by the behavior we choose is not new to psychology. It has been around since at least William James. Paul McKenna picks up the theme in I Can Make You Happy.

McKenna’s focus is extremely practical. Much of the book is a description of specific exercises or behaviors that are aimed at improving mood, changing habits of thought and reducing the intensity of negative emotions attached to memories.

Many of these exercises involve visualizations. Some involve physical actions or stances (even something as simple as standing up straight can improve your mood). In each case, McKenna provides detailed step-by-step instructions.

Because of the practical focus of the book, there is limited explanation of how these actions work. McKenna mentions the sources of the exercises and many have roots in scientific studies. He assumes, no doubt rightly, that his readers are most interested in what they can do.

The book includes a hypnosis CD that McKenna recommends using along with the other exercises. It is intended to reinforce habits that create and support happiness.

McKenna does not guarantee constant happiness. He suggests it wouldn’t be a good thing. He describes our emotions—all of them—as “part of our intelligence.” They are there to tell us something  important. We should not avoid our painful or uncomfortable emotions. It is appropriate to feel pain in response to losses and hurts.

Much of what you’ll find in this book is something you can find elsewhere. However, I Can Make You Happy is compact, practical and easy to read. It gets right to showing readers they can do something, often simple things, to be happier now. Making them habits could lead to generally higher levels of happiness.

Paul McKenna also wrote I Can Make You Thin.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Instant Self-Hypnosis by Forbes Robbins Blair

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Suggestible You by Erik Vance

Timeless Healing by Herbert Benson with Marg Stark

McKenna, Paul. I Can Make You Happy. New York: Sterling, 2011.

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

Sometimes it seems like we’re all sick and crazy. This may stem from a focus on trying to find and fix what is wrong with us. Psychologist Paul Pearsall referred to this as a pathogenic focus. In his book The Beethoven Factor, he discusses the field of positive psychology, which focuses on what is right with people and what we can learn from those who are well adjusted, happy and healthy. In particular, Pearsall focuses on thriving.

Thriving is growth in the aftermath, and even in the midst of, stressful situations. The people he discusses and learns from in his book, some patients of his and many his fellow patients in a cancer ward, often suffered greatly from disease, war, poverty and other hardships. These people had there ups and downs, but they managed an emotional upward trend.

The heart of thriving is a flexible explanatory style. We’re all telling ourselves stories that interpret and evaluate our lives. People who thrive are adaptive and creative in the stories they tell themselves, which allows them to savor and find meaning in their lives even while suffering.

Thriving can be paradoxical, especially from a pathogenic outlook: someone is becoming stronger in a situation that is expected to make them weaker. Those who thrive can defy the expectations the traditional view of healthy thinking. They work on themselves, which can sometimes make them seem aloof or insensitive. They can be in denial, but they use it to give themselves a temporary escape for pain and time to think. They can be hard to like because of their intensity; when someone is getting the most out of life, they may have little patience for interruptions, naysayers and whiners. They are reflective, which can make them seem withdrawn. They can be depressed, down on themselves and loose hope as they make their journey. Thriving is a process of learning, so it can take a long time, though sometimes someone will catch on quickly.

Pearsall offers a lot of advice on how to thrive, especially in the second half of the book (the first half focuses on introducing positive psychology and defining thriving). This section focuses on four aspects of thriving: hardiness, happiness, healing and hope.

Hardiness comes from our beliefs. Hardy people have beliefs that help them commit to engaging in living, finding a sense of control—which includes knowing when to let go of control—and seeing the difficulties they face and challenges they can cope with if not overcome.

Happiness is rooted in flow. It is focus and engagement in life. Happy people push aside distractions, expectations and striving for things that don’t really bring them joy.

Healing is fundamentally learning. We all suffer to some extent in our lives, and these periods of sickness or other hardship are telling us to slow down and pay attention. Healing people learn to make sense of what happens (in their own ways),  cope with it, and find meaning in their experiences.

Hoping is what Pearsall calls “cautious optimism.” People who hope find a way to hold onto their dreams, or come up with new dreams, without expecting on depending on them. They imagine that the world, imperfect as it is, may be the best possible world, so they get on with seeking all they can enjoy in it.

Pearsall offers his readers a big dose of practical grace. If you’re really finding your own way to cope with adversity in a way the truly engages life as fully as you can, you’re on the path to thriving and it is okay that you may not be the upbeat, outgoing, positive, realistic person that your psychologists, physicians, self-help books and friends think you should be. Living is learning, especially in times of sickness and difficulty; learning is challenging, slow work that requires focus and imagination. If you’re learning, you will struggle and be worn out sometimes. You’ll also be engaged in life in a way that puts you in an uneven, but upward trend, instead of spiraling downward in despair.

Paul Pearsall also wrote

The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need

Toxic Success

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson with Miriam Z. Klipper

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Pearsall, Paul. The Beethoven Factor: The New Positive Psychology of Hardiness, Happiness, Healing, and Hope.  Charlottesville, VA: Hampton Roads, 2003.

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