What if
it is within your power to make yourself happy or unhappy? Barry
Neil Kaufman is convinced you can. The theme of his book is as simple as
the title, Happiness is a Choice.
To
Kaufman, unhappiness is a learned
response. We face many situations, some are stressful or things we would not
have chosen, but our emotional
response to them is largely a matter of our judgment of them. If we change our perspective,
if we develop a new vision, our feelings will change, too.
The
book contains many examples form Kaufman’s life and from the experiences of his
clients. He and his wife
have an autistic
son.
They look at is as a challenge to love, engage with
and communicate
with someone who deals with the world in a different way. One of his clients
was devastated by the loss of his mother.
He chose to remember all of the ways she helped him and had a positive
influence on his life. His gratitude
lifted his spirits.
This
points to something I think is worth noting. You do not have to solve problems
to be happy. Kaufman never suggests that problems will disappear or that things
will always be to your liking. He is persistent in suggesting that you can find
a new way to look at it so you can respond with more happiness.
Happiness,
then, is more important than getting what you want. You won’t always get what
you want, but you don’t have to be unhappy about it. This is the first of
Kaufman’s six shortcuts to happiness.
These
shortcuts are mindsets
that help you focus on ways to be happy in any circumstance. I’ve already
mentioned another: letting go of judgment.
All the
shortcuts can be summarized in one. Decide to be happy.
Happiness
isn’t necessarily ecstasy. Kaufman ties happiness to love. Happiness is loving
yourself. Loving others is being happy
with them. In any situation, you can choose love and happiness.
If
you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in
Kaufman,
Barry Neil. Happiness is a Choice. New York: Fawcett
Columbine, 1991.
