In Pursuit of Happiness by Frank Minirth

Happiness is something we can produce, at least in part, from the choices we make and the things we do. Psychiatrist Frank Minirth emphasizes the choices that lead to happiness in his book, In Pursuit of Happiness.

Minirth is particularly known for his work in Christian psychology. The book is full of references to the Bible, with scriptures selected to provide advice in several areas of life that have a strong effect no happiness. I found this to be one of the best parts of the book.

The author is also a medical doctor. As such, he also believes that some can benefit from drugs, other medical treatment and psychological counseling. He emphasizes the power of God, but he does not minimize the benefits of medicine. The main body of the book does not deal much with the medical treatment of depression, anxiety or other treatable disorders that affect happiness other to point to the potential benefits of medical treatment. However, the book includes several appendices on the biological causes and medical treatment (including drugs) of anxiety, depression, dementia and other diseases.

Most of the book is very easy to read. Each chapter plainly follows an outline and flows from subject to subject. To a great degree, readers may skip around to the chapters that are most relevant to them and still make sense of the book.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Anxious for Nothing by Max Lucado

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die by John Izzo

Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

I Can Make You Happy by Paul McKenna

The Instinct to Heal by David Servan-Schreiber

It's Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel

Language and the Pursuit of Happiness by Chalmers Brothers

Lost Connections by Hari Johnson

The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven

100 Ways to Happiness by Timothy Sharp

Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine M. Pittman & Elizabeth M. Karle

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

The Solution by Lucinda Bassett

Think 4:8 by Tommy Newberry & Lyn Smith

Vital Friends by Tom Rath

Minirth, Frank. In Pursuit of Happiness: Choices that Can Change Your Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Fleming H. Revell, 2004.

Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight

The title of Sarah Knight’s book, Get Your Sh*t Together, suggests what is inside. There is cursing on practically every page. There is tongue-in-cheek humor. There is advice on how to set goals and achieve them.

If you’ve read many books on self-help, getting organized, setting goals and success, Knight’s recommendations won’t be new to you. However, many will find her style helpful and appealing. She writes with directness, simplicity and humor.

She has a take on motivation that you don’t see everywhere: focus on what annoys you. A lot of people advise that you conjure up a richly detailed vision of the life you want. That is hard. The vision can seem out of reach. You don’t have to imagine annoying things; they are right there bothering you. If you can do something to reduce the annoyance, you’ll want to, and if some series of steps will eliminate it, they’ll seem worth the effort. The life you want may reveal itself as you shed the annoying things you want to get rid of.

Once you have a goal (stop this annoying thing by taking some action), you need a plan that breaks into manageable steps. You’ll also need to set aside time to give your energy and attention to taking those steps. It also takes commitment to follow through.

Because it takes time to get things done, you may need to make time by spending less of it on other things. Knight discusses priorities. I’ve observed that the people who are the worst at having it together seem to have no priorities. If you can learn to spend more time on what is really important, and focus on it, you’ll be way ahead.

Knight’s book isn’t for everyone. The cursing starts in the title and doesn’t let up. However, I appreciate her brevity, simplicity and directness. The concepts are easy to grasp; the challenge is in implementing them.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Procrastination Equation by Piers Steel

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

Succeed by Heidi Grant Halvorson

You are a Badass by Jen Sincero

Knight, Sarah. Get Your Sh*t Together: How to Stop Worrying About What You Should Do So You Can Finish What You Need to Do and Start Doing What You Want to Do. New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2016.

Atomic Habits by James Clear

Though we might like to imagine ourselves exercising a lot of conscious control over our lives, a lot—perhaps half—of what we do in a day is habitual. Our habits can make us or break us. Fortunately, we can change our habits.

 Of course learning new habits is not always easy, especially when it comes to breaking old habits. We’ve learned a lot about how we how our brains work in forming habits that can help. James Clear organizes this into a system in Atomic Habits.

 Before he gets started, though, Clear makes an interesting point. Our identities can be wrapped up in our habits. It can be hard to stop a behavior we identify with. It can be hard to start something new and stick with it if we think of it as out of character for ourselves. If we want to be different, we have to believe we can be different and picture ourselves that way.

 Clear lays out four laws for creating habits that are easy to adopt. The inverse of these laws can make a behavior more difficult and help us break bad habits.

 Effective habits are obvious (in your face cues about what to do), attractive, easy and they provide immediate rewards. The more of these characteristics you can bring to your new habit the better. Set up your environment and daily routines to bring the behavior you want into your awareness. Find ways to link it to other things you want. Remove obstacles and concentrate on small, doable changes.  Find a way to get something  out of performing now (consistent with you goal) to carry you until the more long-term payoffs of the behavior kick in.

 The inverse of these work to weaken bad habits. Put reminder and triggers of old behaviors out of sight. Find ways to make it distasteful and unappealing. Put barriers in the way of performing the old habit---make it harder. Creates disincentive and make it costly.

 Clear provides several examples from his own life and from others. The book is peppered with references to his web site where he provides additional examples, forms and worksheets.

 I previously wrote about this book here.

 If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Big Thing by Phyllis Korkki

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

Changing for Good by James O. Prochaska, John C. Norcross & Carlo C. DiClemente

The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande

Get Smart! by Brian Tracy

How to Fail at Almost Anything and Still Win Big by Scott Adams

Level Up Your Life by Steve Kamb

One Small Step Can Change Your Life by Robert Maurer

Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

Small Move, Big Change by Caroline L. Arnold

Succeed by Heidi Grant Halvorson

This Year I Will... by M. J. Ryan

 Clear, James. Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Habits. New York: Avery, 2018.

Atomic Habits by James Clear

Habits have a profound impact on our lives. They are behaviors we repeat, sometimes automatically, and by repetition, their effects accumulate. It would be great if our habits supported us in being the people we want to be, and if they did not reinforce things we would like to change. James Clear describes how habits work and a system for getting them to work for you in Atomic Habits.

Before working on habits, you need to work on beliefs. Beliefs always win out, and your habits are, to a degree, a manifestation of your beliefs. Fortunately, working on habits can support new beliefs about yourself. You can set up small wins that support your belief in your new identity.

You can also give yourself a break by taking the focus off goals, which can seem overwhelming. Instead, focus on systems. Focus on the things you do, especially the things you do repeatedly, that move you toward being who you want to be. Instead of noticing the gap between where you are and a goal, you can encourage yourself by noticing the progress you make.

Clear describes the process of habit formation. It starts with a cue, which triggers the brain to start a behavior in anticipation of a reward. We experience a craving, a motivation or desire for the reward. As a response, we perform the habitual behavior. Finally, we get a reward that satisfies the craving. Unfortunately, that reward may not satisfy us in helpful ways. We can take advantage of this system to reinforce new behavior patterns and interrupt old patterns.

We can take advantage of the cue by making them more obvious (to trigger wanted behavior) or making them invisible (to prevent the triggering of bad habits). We can rig the craving by making the potential reward more or less attractive. We can make it easier or more difficult to perform a habitual behavior. We can also make the reward more or less satisfying. To superpower these strategies, we can stack them.

In his book, Clear provides several ways to implement these strategies for making and breaking habits. As you develop and implement your habit change strategy, Clear encourages you to seek sweet spot. It will be challenging, and that sense of challenge can be a great motivator, but if you take on to much at once or too large a change, you are likely to experience a failure that can be disheartening. Little wins are great rewards, especially when the feel earned, so seek changes that you can realistically achieve, but that you’ll need to stretch to reach.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Big Thing by Phyllis Korkki

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

Changing for Good by James O. Prochaska, John C. Norcross & Carlo C. DiClemente

The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande

Get Smart! by Brian Tracy

How to Fail at Almost Anything and Still Win Big by Scott Adams

Level Up Your Life by Steve Kamb

One Small Step Can Change Your Life by Robert Maurer

Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

Small Move, Big Change by Caroline L. Arnold

Succeed by Heidi Grant Halvorson

This Year I Will... by M. J. Ryan

Clear, James. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones. New York: Avery, 2018.

Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine M. Pittman & Elizabeth M. Karle

We can face all kinds of situations that cause anxiety. For some of us, that anxiety can be overwhelming and get in the way of living the life we want. Feelings of anxiety are produced in the brain as a response to triggering circumstances, and we can retrain our brains to lessen our anxious responses. Psychologist Catherine M. Pittman and her co-author Elizabeth M. Karle explain this in Rewire Your Anxious Brain.

The authors devote quite a bit of the book to describing the workings of those parts of the brain most involved in our sense of fear and anxiety. These are the amygdala and the cortex.

The amygdala has a lot of control over our fight, flight or freeze response. It is centrally located and well connected in the brain, so it can produce a powerful response before our thinking mind—the cortex—can figure out what is going on. In addition, the amygdala has its own emotional memories, independent of the cortex, so you may have an anxious response to a stimulus you have little conscious awareness of.

A big part of dealing with anxiety is retraining the amygdala. This can be difficult because it involves exposure to situations that produce anxiety. When you face those situations and see that there is no negative impact, or that they were less than you expected and you can handle it (you didn’t die), your amygdala learns that these situation aren’t so threatening and it will stop producing anxious responses. The authors show how you can take this in steps, starting will less anxiety-inducing stimulus and working your way up, but it may be faster to dive into the deep end.

Retraining the amygdala can be aided by relaxation. The book describes several relaxation practices.

Though the amygdala is always involved in producing anxiety, the cortex can be the source of it or can perpetuate it. Retraining the cortex is mainly a matter of changing your thinking. When you recognize anxiety-producing thoughts, you can change what you are thinking. You might use countering thoughts that you prepared for the situation or you might distract yourself by thinking of something altogether different. Mindfulness is a helpful practice in that it helps you to recognize that your thoughts are not necessarily the reality and you can remain peaceful while the thoughts come and go.

The book is a mix of science and how-to aimed and helping anxious people find relief. The authors strongly suggest that you get help, and I think this is a reasonable suggestion. If anxiety is interfering with your life, you will probably benefit from the aid of a professional. This book can help you understand what is happening and what can be done about it, but you may need some help to actually adapt them your own needs and put them into practice.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Procrastination Equation by Piers Steel

The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson with Miriam Z. Klipper

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

The Solution by Lucinda Bassett

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Pittman, Catherine M., & Elizabeth M. Karle. Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic & Worry. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2015.

Do Less Get More by Shaa Wasmund

The title of Shaa Wasmund’s book was certain to grab my attention: Do Less Get More. The purpose of the book is to show people how to focus on what really matters to them and cut out what doesn’t.

The early chapters deal with the problems of doing too much. I didn’t need much convincing that I spend a lot of time on things I ought to do and too little time on things I love to do. She then gives attention to the ways a life in which we do (or possibly even have) less is better if those things we do or have are those that are the most important, valuable and meaningful to us. Again, I didn’t need much convincing on that part. Wasmund describes it this way, “Happiness isn’t a consequence of living a successful life; success is a consequence of living happy life.”

The final chapters are practical advice on how to achieve the “less is more” life. I won’t go into all of them. The book is short and written in a simple style, so you won’t have to invest a lot of time reading it if you’re interested in learning more.

Even so, I’ll mention a few things that resonated with me. It’s important to ask for help. Don’t let fear of appearing stupid or weak prevent you from getting help; asking for aid and counsel is one of the smartest things you can do and the humility it takes is a great strength. Concentrate on your strength; working on your weaknesses eats up a lot of time and probably won’t lead where you want to go. By focusing on what you do best, you’ll achieve more and increase your expertise. Concentrate on one thing at a time, especially the best thing you can do right now. Clean up your clutter, get organized, let go of stuff that holds you back.

Especially, value your time. When you value your time, you’ll want to spend it on those things that are most important and valuable to you, that produce the best results in your life.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss

How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life by Alan Lakein

Idea Mapping by Jamie Nast

Rapt by Winifred Gallagher

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

Wasmund, Shaa. Do Less Get More: How to Work Smart and Live Life Your Way. New York: Portfolio/Penguin, 2015.

The core of fear is that what hurts...you may never end

The core of fear is that what hurts or frightens you may never end.

-Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., Secrets You Keep from Yourself

Fear is why we get in our own way

Bottom line, fear is why we get in our own way.

-Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., Secrets You Keep from Yourself

These feelings, like all feelings, will eventually move on

If you let yourself feel such different emotions as grief or emptiness, these feelings, like all feelings, will eventually move on.

-Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., Secrets You Keep from Yourself

Self-defeating behaviors spring from overzealous or misguided efforts to avoid emotional losses

Self-defeating behaviors spring from overzealous or misguided efforts to avoid emotional losses.

-Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., Secrets You Keep from Yourself

The Solution by Lucinda Bassett

You may have heard of Lucinda Bassett and the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety. I remember hearing her on radio commercials talking about a book or audio program. You may have seen her infomercial or an appearance on a talk show, notably Oprah.

As you can guess form the name of her business, Bassett focuses on helping people overcome stress, anxiety, and fear. That is the purpose of her book, The Solution.

The first part of The Solution is a description of the problem. Of course, a certain amount of fear, stress, and anxiety are natural. They are our built-in emotional and physical responses to threats in our environment. They become problems when we experience them too often, when they capture us in constrained and unsatisfying lives. The worst part is that much of the fear, anxiety, and stress we experience is our own doing, responses to worries and imagined threats.

Worry turns our imagination into our worst enemy.  We seek out threats, conjure catastrophes, and foresee the worst. Bassett says we can turn this around. We can train ourselves to use our imaginations positively, to seek opportunities, to foresee desirable results. This notion is fundamental to most self-help, but Bassett frames it a little more interestingly. We can worry positively. A great worrier can be a great success.

These worries and the habitual behaviors they trigger, are rooted in a core story. This is another opportunity for reframing. A core story that once lead to defeat and discouragement can become motivation to strive for something better. Exercises in the book guide the reader in discovering his core story.

The second half of the book presents six strategies for dealing with stress and anxiety.

•  Detachment is about accepting and letting go of things you cannot change, being honest, and holding on to peace.
• Security is about improving your attitudes and beliefs about money and getting your financial house in order.
• Good health is important to coping with stress. Diet, exercise and sleep are the keys to good health.
• Compassion is a potent antidote to anxiety. Show yourself compassions by stopping the negative messages you repeat to yourself and intentionally practice positive self-talk.
• Reconnects with you dreams and decide what you want, the develop a plan to achieve your goals. Put the plan into action.
• A balanced life looks different for different people, but balance helps us all feel less anxious. Set your priorities, act on them, and live with purpose in the moment.

 
The strength of the book is Bassett’s own experience. She is someone who was once hindered by anxiety who has turned her imagination from and enemy to an ally. She reframed her core story from one of loneliness and lack to motivation to have a good life of family and abundance. Bassett also enlivens the book with stories of her clients, popular figures, and historical people.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Change Your Brain, Change Your Body by Daniel G. Amen

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

Positive Imaging by Norman Vincent Peale

The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale

You Can if You Think You Can by Norman Vincent Peale

Bassett, Lucinda. The Solution: Conquer Your Fear, Control Your Future. New York: Sterling, 2011.

You possess the ability to awaken and start anew

You possess the ability to awaken and start anew psychologically and emotionally at any time.

-Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., Secrets You Keep from Yourself

This Year I Will... by M. J. Ryan

Many of us make New Year’s resolutions, but few of us keep them. There is less interest on the statistics of other goals, but it seems likely that resolutions are hard to keep whenever we make them. Self-help author and consultant M. J. Ryan would like to change that sorry state of affairs. Her book This Year I Will… has advice on how to turn goals into action and dreams into reality.

Ryan makes the important point that much of our behavior is habitual. We have repeated behaviors so many times that we unthinkingly return to them when we encounter the stimulus that triggers them. To complicate the matter, our behaviors fill a need or solve a problem. If they hadn’t they wouldn’t have become ingrained habits.

You don’t have to delve into you half-remembered childhood to change behavior, though. You just need to identify the underlying need or problem and find other means of dealing with them. Ideally, the new behaviors will also help you meet your goals instead of getting in the way.

I suppose I have made it sound easy.  It is not, and Ryan does not promise quick fixes. In fact, she warns her readers they will face internal resistance to change. There are parts of brain, power emotional parts that exert a lot of control over us, that see change as a threat and will not easily leave the familiar path. Ryan offers advice on how to handle this, and even how to get our emotional brain to help us instead of hinder our change.

The book is organized into short chapters. Ryan suggests you can go directly to the parts you need and return to the other parts later, or when they seem more useful. Instead of being a book you read through once, she wants This Year I Will… to be a reference you can return to when you need fresh ideas or a refresher on techniques you’ve used before.  Some of the subjects that stood out to me were

• concentrate on “what” instead of “why,”
• dealing with doubt,
• taking action,
• focusing on one or a few changes at a time,
• taking one step at a time (though sometimes we need a big goal to motivate us),
• track your progress (I’m a believer in this),
• have a Plan B (and C, and D…),
• tips for effective visualization,
• performance review, and
• remember to have fun.

There is more than that. The book is not a collection of unrelated mini-chapters. Though the book isn’t necessarily made to be read linearly, I found that later chapters tend to build on earlier ones. There is also a subtle shift from an almost wholly practical to a somewhat philosophical view. You’re not just doing a better job of setting and achieving goals. The goals you achieve and the habits you form shape and define your life.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

One Small Step Can Change Your Life by Robert Maurer

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

Succeed by Heidi Grant Halvorson

Ryan, M. J. This Year I Will…: How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make a Dream Come True. New York: MJF, 2006.

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The Thinking Life by P. M. Forni

Do you want to live a good life?  Try engaging in some good thinking.  The quality of our life, work, and relationships, our happiness, depends of the decisions we make.  We make better decisions through good thinking that is both creative and analytical.  Such thinking can be difficult if we live in a near constant state of distraction.

P. M. Forni points out in his book The Thinking Life that we live in an age of distraction.  The Internet, cellular phones, and ubiquitous media have made it possible for us to be in an almost constant state of stimulation.  In a diet of constant feeding, our minds have no time to digest, so much of what comes in passes out mostly unchanged.  We can find information in an instant, but it takes more than an instant to take it in and retain it.

Excellent thinking, reflection, introspection, and deep learning, take time and energy.  Not only that, they require some devotion and discipline.  I think one of the most useful points Forni makes is the importance of attention, the opposite of distraction.  I have read the works of memory experts that suggest that we do not remember things because we did not pay close attention to them to begin with.  If we want to know what is going on around us, especially with the people we care about, we have to be attentive.  If we want to remember something, we have to pay attention when we experience it.  If we want to do some serious thinking, we have to attend to some thoughts and put aside others, at least for a while.

Fortunately, our power of paying attention, and other abilities important to thinking like decision making, can be improved with practice.  Throughout The Thinking Life, Forni provides advice on how to develop your thinking abilities.  Each chapter ends with specific questions and exercises aimed at helping you increase your ability in some area of thinking.

In his argument for the benefits of thinking, Forni draws on an ancient Greek philosophy known as Stoicism.  Famous Stoics include Zeno, Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca.  Forni doesn’t suggest that we be stoical.  He suggests that we practice moderation and self-discipline so that we can set aside time and energy for the important task of thinking, which leads to better decisions and more happiness.

Moderation and self-discipline are virtues, something the Stoics held in high regard.  Another virtue that Forni encourages is humility.  I think humility is one of the greatest virtues.  Humility is a condition for honestly assessing our place in the world so we can see where we need help, see where can help others, and learn.

These comments scratch the surface of Forni’s short book.  He addresses a problem in our culture with thoughtful advice and concision.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Abolition of Man by C. S. Lewis

Attitude is Everything by Jeff Keller

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

Defining Noah Webster by K. Alan Snyder

The Genius in All of Us by David Shenk

The Great Divorce by C. S. Lewis

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

His Excellency by Joseph J. Ellis

How to Read Literature Like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster

On Becoming a Leader by Warren Bennis

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

Simple Pictures are Best by Nancy Willard (illustrated by Tomie De Paolo)

Succeed by Heidi Grant Halvorson

The Victory of Reason by Rodney Stark

Forni, P. M.  The Thinking Life: How to Thrive in the Age of Distraction.  New York: St. Martin’s, 2011.

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Succeed by Heidi Grant Halvorson

Grant Halvorson, Heidi.  Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals.  New York: Hudson Street Press, 2010.

Psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson discusses the latest research on what works in goal setting in her book Succeed.  The way we think about and construct our goals has a lot to do with whether we achieve them.

There a few things that a strongly related to successful goal pursuit.  One is to have goals focused on “getting better” rather than on “being good.”  Many people focus on being good and operate from a theory that talent, ability and personal traits are fixed.  This can lead to discouragement and giving up in the face of difficulties (if you’re not succeeding now, you probably won’t later).  The more fruitful, and it turns out more true, theory is that many personal traits are flexible, even intelligence and personality.  If we make our goal to get better at something, it takes the pressure off of having to do things well at the start (of course you won’t do a new thing well the first time), and gives you the perspective of a learner who can be resilient when experiencing set-backs.

Another important aspect of successful goal pursuit is planning.  Grant Halvorson describes a type of simple planning that helps people achieve goals.  One of the especially powerful things about these plans is that you can foresee temptations and obstacles and plan your response.  If you plan in advance what you’ll do when someone brings doughnuts to the office (I once was acquainted with someone famous for shouting out “Who brought the damn doughnuts?”), you’ll be more like to do it and avoid eating one (or three).

Succeed includes many other strategies for improving goal pursuit.  The effectiveness of these strategies varies depending on what motivates the individual person or the type of goal being pursued.  Grant Halvorson provides simple tests to help the reader discover which strategies will work best for them.  I was not at all surprised by the type of things that motivate me.  I had not previously tried to structure my goals to take advantage of it.  I’m looking forward to putting that idea to the test.

The book also addresses positive thinking and optimism.  I’ve read quite a bit of self-help and you’ll find in some of that literature suggested that positive thinking and optimism is unmitigated good and the essence of achieving dreams.  Grant Halvorson says that imagining you will succeed is very good, but imagining it will be easy is not.  We need to recognize that the road to success has many obstacles, and realistically assessing the obstacles will help us deal with them.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Procrastination Equation by Piers Steel

Secrets You Keep from Yourself by Dan Neuharth

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