Showing posts sorted by relevance for query shy. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query shy. Sort by date Show all posts

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron

At the end of sixth grade, my English teacher, Mrs. Lumsden, gave out “unusual awards.”  I was awarded “Best Observer.”    It is one of the signs that I am a highly sensitive person, and it is one of the happier memories related to my trait.



Research psychologist Elaine N. Aron describes highly sensitive people, or HSPs, in her book The Highly Sensitive Person.  HSPs, which make up about 15 to 20 percent of the population, are people with more responsive nervous system, who notice smaller stimuli and react more strongly to stimuli.

Aron is careful to distinguish the physiological trait of high sensitivity from inhibition, introversion, and shyness.  Okay, HSPs are often, or appear to be, introverted and shy.  Aron reframes HSP behavior as a response to overstimulation.  Everyone has an optimal level of arousal, and because HSPs are aroused more by smaller stimuli, which are abundant and can even include our own emotional responses to experiences, they are more easily aroused more than is optimum for them.  Everyone withdraws (is shy) when faced with too much arousal, and everyone needs time to quietly process (introversion).

Let me give you an example from my own life.  When I was a young child, I was very emotional.  I was easily overwhelmed, to the point of losing self-control, by my own emotions and the experiences that triggered them.  When I was in fifth grade, I found a model for managing it: Mr. Spock of Star Trek.  He was person (or Vulcan or half-Vulcan) with intense emotions that used various practices of logical thinking, meditation, art and study to discipline himself and control his own behavior.  Yes, at that age it meant repressing my emotions and withdrawing from others to some degree.  I gained a sense of self-control and space to think.  It was a little patch of high ground above the flood.  As a kid on the verge of puberty, it was precious to me.

That challenge hasn’t diminished as an adult.  How can I enjoy the sensory and emotional richness I can experience without being carried away by it?  How can I take notice of the little things that make me pause without getting jumpy?  How can I pursue the challenging and meaningful work that attracts me without being exhausted by distractions and the social demands organizations?  These are questions all HSPs must answer.


Aron doesn’t always give a simple answer, but she does show readers how to find the answers for themselves.  Relationships and work present all manner of highly arousing situations that can drain an HSP.  Aron provides information on how to approach these challenges in ways that acknowledge your trait of high sensitivity, with its weakness and the many strengths that can be brought to bear on the problem.

These problems can be exacerbated for HSPs who had rough childhoods, which is all too common.  (I’m fortunate that I had accepting and tolerant parents.  I suspect there are several HSPs scattered in my extended family, which fits with high sensitivity generally being inherited.)  Therapy can be very helpful for HSPs who need to deal with these issues.  Aron provides recommendations on what kind of therapies may be most useful to HSPs.

I suspect most of the readers of this book will be HSPs.  If you’re not an HSP, you probably know one.  If you think your spouse, close friend, or employee is an HSP, it may be worthwhile to read this book.  HSPs have a lot of strengths they would happily bring to your relationship or business if they are given the opportunity and a little quiet space in which to thrive.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Aron, Elaine N.  The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You1996New York: Broadway, 1998.

Keenan is on Google Plus.

Monday, December 10, 2012

God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts

God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts but bold and loving and sensible.
-2 Timothy 1:7

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Nearing Home by Billy Graham

In his 90s evangelist Billy Graham wrote about the challenges of aging in Nearing Home. The title is a reference to approaching death and to looking forward to being with God and loved ones who are already with Him in heaven.

That thread runs through the book, Graham’s focus is on living as an old person in this time and this world. Old age can and should be a time of purposeful living as much as any other stage of life. This is because of as much as in spite of the difficulties.

Graham did not shy away from the difficulties of aging. Our bodies lose strength. Our memories weaken. Ache, pains and illnesses beset us. More friends and family we have loved a long time pass away.

Graham encouraged his readers to prepare for aging and death some of this is practical advice for handling affairs in this world. Get your finances in order. Put documents together so your wishes will be know and followed if you are incapacitated. Wisely consider when to retire and what it will mean to leave the work world you are accustomed to for something new, though possibly even more meaningful.

Don’t let old age slip up on you. In addition to preparing for worldly concerns, it is especially important to lay a good foundation in Christ. As Graham put it, “God designs transitions and provides the grace to embrace what follows.”

Older people have important parts to play. Retirement can give you the time to be engaged in your family, church and community in a way you could not have pursued while working full time. You can encourage other because you remember many times when God has demonstrated His love, faithfulness and power in your life. You can set an example of aging with dignity and grace, even if it seems like no one is paying attention.

As I wrote this review of Nearing Home, I heard of the passing of Delores O’Riordan. In enjoyed the music of her band, The Cranberries, at the peak of their popularity about 20 years ago. I was young; I had little money and few responsibilities in those days. I should have enjoyed them more than I did. O’Riordan died at the age of 46; we were the same age. That is too young to die in my opinion.

At any age, we may be nearer to death than we know, for the Christian nearer home. Even if we are still young, or see ourselves as young, it is wise to consider that an in to this life is coming, and many years of aging may come before it. We should consider how to be ready for aging and death and how to leave a legacy, a good example, we will want to leave.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in


Graham, Billy. Nearing Home: Life, Faith, and Finishing Well. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2011.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

The Introvert's Way by Sophia Dembling

Blogger Sophia Dembling writes about her life as an introvert. This subject carries over into her book The Introvert’s Way.

Dembling tries to sort out what introversion is. It is not simply the opposite of extroversion, nor is it shyness. It is not antisocial or pathological. Introversion and extroversion are different ways in which the brains of people operate. There is much that is positive in the introverted way, even if western—and particularly American—culture has a preference for traits associated with extroverts.

Admittedly, introverts can come across as aloof, timid, or too intense. Dembling describes how introverts are simply responding to the world in ways that suit our (yes, I’m an introvert) sensitivity to stimuli, energy, and way of thinking. When we withdraw, we’re simply tired or overstimulated, not angry or shy. We can seem intense because we like making deeper connections and we are passionate about our interests. Dembling suggest that introverts can combat misperceptions by first accepting themselves as they are and then gently explaining it to others.

Another thing that introverts tend to do that can drive extrovert up the wall is we think and act slowly. My longsuffering wife has learned to give me plenty of advanced notice when an important decision is needed from me or us as a couple. This may be why introverts shine in e-mail, texting, and social media (some of us old-timers still write letters on occasion). The media allow us to think and respond at our own pace.

Dembling also addresses the misconception that introverts don’t have fun. We do. Sometimes we even have fun at parties or social gatherings, especially with a small group of close friends or family. Introverts generally like quiet, slow-paced activities. Extroverts probably look at us and think we’re not doing anything.

Each chapter is written as a short essay. In addition to dealing with the issues already mentioned, Dembling writes about how she and other introverts deal with things we tend to hate, like parties and small talk. She takes a middle ground somewhere between don’t be bullied by (well-meaning) extorverts and suck it up because these things are part of life. To have the peaceful life introverts want along with the social life they want (and they do want one), they have to strike a balance, and Dembling suggests some ways that balance can be made.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in


Dembling, Sophia. The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World. New York: Perigee, 2012.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

In Memory Yet Green by Isaac Asimov

When I was a kid, my interest in science fiction was fed by reading many short stories from the heyday of science fiction magazines in the 1940s and 1950s. I particularly remember reading I, Robot, a collection of stories written by Isaac Asimov. (The book is still in bookstores after more than four decades. Will Smith is on the cover; his 2004 movie of the same title was based on one of the stories.)

Asimov wrote an extensive autobiography. The first volume, In Memory Yet Green, covers the first 34 years of his life. As you would expect, his life in that timeframe was similar to many other. He grew up, completed his formal education, started his career and started a family.

Like other famous people, Asimov had fortunate timing, talent, and willingness to work hard to achieve something. He is best known for his achievements as a science fiction writer. Writing was not his sole profession during this part of his life, but he was a fairly prolific writer and was well known in science fiction circles. He had a reputation in science fiction fandom before he ever published a fiction story. He was a fan of the early science fiction magazines and regularly wrote letters to them. He made friends with other fans, several of whom became successful writers along with him, particularly fellow Futurians.

As he put time into writing stories, his participation in fandom waned. His other career as an academic chemist also took up a lot of time. Though it is well known among science fiction fans, others may not be aware that had a Ph.D. in chemistry and was a professor at a medical school. He co-wrote two biochemistry textbooks during this period.

The book covers many aspects of his life, both professional and personal. He begins with his birth in Russia and ends as a husband (to Gertrude) and father (to David) on the verge of a career transition. In between he lived through two world wars, the Great Depression, and many other upheavals of the first half of the 20th Century. Asimov shares his experiences and views of these events.

Asimov’s style in his autobiography is much as it is in his other writings: straightforward and often jovial. He is not shy about his accomplishments, but he is often humorously self-deprecating and willing to confess to his boneheaded moments.

The book will probably appeal mostly to science fiction fans. Asimov got in on the ground floor. He knew many of the other writers, editors, and publishers of his generation including Ian and Betty Ballantine, John Campbell, L. Sprague de Camp, Lester Del Rey, Robert Heinlein and Frederik Pohl.

If you’re interested in reading this book, you may also be interested in


Asimov, Isaac. In Memory Yet Green: The Autobiography of Isaac Asimov, 1920-1954. New York: Doubleday, 1979.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Most Effective Organization in the U.S. by Robert A. Watson & Ben Brown

Watson, Robert A., & Ben BrownThe Most Effective Organization in the U.S.: Leadership Secrets of the Salvation ArmyNew York: Crown Business, 2001.

What is The Salvation Army?  Is it a service organization or a church?  Yes.  That is, it is both.  In The Most Effective Organization in the United States, former National Commander Robert A. Watson, with Ben Brown, writes much about the organization’s dual mission of preaching the good news of Jesus Christ and helping needy people.  The Salvation Army would say this is a single mission because they so closely relate saving people with serving them.

The title of the book is taken for Peter Drucker’s praise for the Army.  The authors do not for a moment shy away from the Christian history, motivation and mission of the organization.  Even so, this book is aimed at business and organizational leaders who want their companies to be more effective.

It’s good to start with this focus on mission.  The Army is extremely mission focused.  Everything they do and the way they do it, including how they organize, manage and lead, is done to achieve the mission.  The first lesson in effectiveness is that an organization needs a transcendent mission, something greater than making money that can bring purpose to people’s lives.

Clear mission allows the Army to attract great people.  People need meaning and purpose in life, and finding people with personal missions that align with the organization’s leads to passionate employees.  They’re not just employees, they’re partners.  They also see their clients, often people in very bad situations, as potential partners.  People who have been transformed by Christ and who know the value of the help they received from the Army, when they are on their feet again, are potentially very committed and motivated volunteers, employees and officers.

As one would hope from a Christian organization, the Army places a high value on integrity.  Integrity is closely linked to accountability.  They are very careful to assure that all they do advances their mission.  Likewise, they want their people, especially officers, to live their values.  They also want their constituents to trust that they will deliver on their promises.  The Army careful about accountability.  Their local leaders have extraordinary latitude, but they also have great responsibility and are answerable for themselves and their programs.  They are open and transparent so clients and donors know that the resources entrusted to them are used well.


One of the things that impressed me about the Army is that their commitment to mission and accountability makes it easier for them to say no.  If it doesn’t fit, or if it isn’t sustainable, they let it go.  Even existing programs are not sacred.  If it’s not working, if it begins to distract from the mission, it is dropped even if a lot as already been invested in it.

I enjoyed this book much more that most business books.  I admit it appealed to my own sensibilities.  It’s also a glimpse inside an organization that most people know relatively little about.  The authors explain how the Army accomplishes so much with its resources with so little management structure.  They’re way is adaptable to business, but probably requires a lot more discipline than many top business managers may have.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in
Google

Saturday, April 7, 2018

The Irresistible Introvert by Michaela Chung

Introverts can feed out of place, in especially in the United States and other places where extroverted characteristics are celebrated and introverts are often misunderstood. Michaela Chung considers how introverts can make their own way in the word in her book The Irresistible Introvert.

Introverts are not antisocial or shy. We (yes, I’m an introvert) like people. In comparison to extroverts we tend to be more introspective, needful of solitude and quiet and slow. Some introverts are highly sensitive people (I think I fall into this group, too).

Chung doesn’t say there is a right or wrong way, there is a place for both extroverts and introverts and all the blends in between. Her point is that in extroverted cultures introverts need to find ways to be comfortable being themselves.

That is Chung’s theme: introverts should accept themselves. If you are an introvert, embrace your strengths and stop trying to fit into an extroverted mold. Be kind to yourself. Make room in your life for the quite time, solitude and thinking that you need.

Of course, introverts are social beings. We enjoy connecting with others. We like deep conversation and close friends.

For many of us, this area of connection and communication can become a source of discomfort as our style clashes with the prevailing extroverted style. In the latter part of the book, Chung shifts to showing how introverts can find ways to open up, form friendships and communicate in ways that play to their strengths.

Introverts aren’t likely to work the room the way extroverts do. We can, we just find it exhausting. Chung’s advice often touches on this issue of energy. With a little planning, introverts can manage their energy in social situations. Introverts can be spots of calm and warmth in a crowd that attracts others. They can trade awkwardness and tiredness for self-possession and intriguing allure.

Chung draws frequently on the experiences of introverts including herself. Many of these experiences resonated with me. If you’re an introvert you might enjoy the book simply because you can see someone else understands your experience. You might find some of Chung’s advice helpful, too.

I you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in


Chung, Michaela. The Irresistible Introvert: Harness the Power of Quiet Charisma in a Loud World. New York: Skyhorse Publishing, 2016.

Friday, May 15, 2020

The Introvert's Way by Sophia Dembling


Introverts are coming out of their shells, but in their own way. This isn’t to say they are becoming more introverted. Instead they are demand that the traits they bring are valued. We are not simply “not extroverted.”

Blogger Sophia Dembling is part of this wave of outspoken introverts. She writes about living as an introvert in a culture that values extroversion, and how to become more comfortable with it, in The Introvert’s Way.

Personality is a complex subject. Introversion is one of five personality traits that seem to remain consistent over a person’s lifetime.

Actually, extroversion is the trait that is measured. A typical test defines introversion as a lack of extroversion. Dembling calls this into question. She sees introversion as a way of interacting with external and internal stimulus that is different from extroversion. It is not better or worse and it certainly is not an absence of a personality trait.

Dembling is not shy about taking on extroversion bias in psychology and research. For instance, she wrote about research that showed extroverts to be happier. Even introverts who acted extroverted seemed happier. She found that psychologists have a three pronged definition of happiness, but the researchers used only one. The signs of happiness in this prong are practically synonymous with traits of extroversion. No wonder extroverts seemed happier. Introverts are often happy in their own way.

Much of the book is a discussion of the introverted experience. It can be tough to be introverted in a culture that values extroversion (not all do). How do you deal with well-meaning friends who try to get you to have fun when you’re already perfectly contented? How do you manage your energy, especially when things that get others psyched leave you drained?

Dembling offers advice on these issues. Her core advice is to accept your introversion. You are different and that is fine. You can create a space for you to be you. You can teach you friends to respect who you are just as you have respected their extroversion.

Introverts who begin to embrace who they are can seem like angry turtles at first. However, we are not inclined to disturb our peace with resentment; we move on to living a life we like with a little gentle forcefulness.


If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Dembling, Sophia. The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World. New York: Perigee, 2012.

Sunday, October 28, 2018

The Johnstown Flood by David McCollough


On Memorial Day 1889, a storm struck western Pennsylvania. Floods were common enough in the mountain community of Johnstown and the surrounding villages. This one was extraordinary. Upstream the valley sat a structure that was poised to make the flood much worse, the dam at South Fork Reservoir.

David McCullough describes the flood and the devastating dam break in The Johnstown Flood. It was the worst disaster in the United States up until its time with more than 2,000 people killed by the huge wave that swept down the valley, with more killed by fire and disease in the aftermath.

The dam had originally built by the State of Pennsylvania too supply water for a canal. Within a few years the canal was closed because the railroad provided freight and passenger transportation through the area. The dam changed hands several times after that. I fell into disrepair. Somewhere along the line someone salvaged the pipes that allowed one to control the water level behind the dam; though in it partly collapsed state it no longer held much water.

This changed when developers bought the dam and surrounding property to build a resort for the wealthy industrialists of Pittsburgh. The dam was rebuilt with indifference to materials and methods. The drain pipes were never restored. The spillway was obstructed by a grate (to keep the fish in the stocked lake from disappearing downstream) and low bridge. By the time of the flood, perhaps since it was repaired, there was a slight dip in the center of the dam, creating an unknown, unprotected second spillway. This dip was hard to see with the eye on the large dam, but a survey to measure the elevations would have turned it up.

The dam filled and the lake became quite large. The vacationers sailed ships on it. The water level was commonly within a couple of feet of the spillway, and there was no practical way for the dam operators to control that water level. It was a disaster waiting to happen.

Many of the people of Johnstown expressed concern that the dam was a danger to the city. However, the prevailing view was that the wealthy elite of Pittsburgh would have it built right; very few endeavored to assess it for themselves. Similarly, the members of the South Fork Fishing and Hunting Club, including such prominences as Andrew Carnegie, had faith that the developer did the work right, and they put no effort into checking it out.

When the floodwaters overtopped the earthen dam, it collapsed quickly, unleashing a deadly wave of possibly 20 million tons of water. It is hard to imagine the devastation caused by the wave, even 15 miles downstream in Johnstown. McCullough describes it, sometimes in great detail, based on reports from the time. The rolling wall of water seems awesome at first, but as it begins to destroy homes and injure and kill people, it becomes sickening as well.

The people of that valley recovered with admirable speed and took over the cleanup and restoration of their town the very next day. Soon aid came from across the country, and especially from elsewhere in Pennsylvania, including the National Guard and a still young American Red Cross.

As the initial terror of the event subsided, attention turned to the club at South Fork. Though the press, including the Engineering News, laid blame on the club and the shoddy, unprofessional work done to rebuild the dam, the courts never held the club or its members accountable. The courts, mostly in Pittsburgh where club members held sway, accepted that it was an act of God. It’s clear to more objective observers that a properly built dam would probably have survived the flood, or at the very least would have had a much less damaging failure. Though McCullough suggests the residents of Johnstown and the members of the club were too trusting, he does not shy away from the negligence of those who rebuilt the dam in a way that would almost surely lead to the disaster that came.

David McCollough also wrote

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

McCullough, David. The Johnstown Flood. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1968.

Monday, December 10, 2012

New & Interesting Stuff on Ada Lovelace's Birthday 2012


It’s Ada Lovelace’s 197th Birthday


Also Today in History: First Traffic Light Installed

Quiet by Susan Cain

I am an introvert.  So is Susan Cain, author of Quiet.  I imagine so are many of the other readers of this book on introversion and its strengths as they look to understand themselves and live more comfortably in a world the favors the outgoing.


Cain divides her book into four parts corresponding to four questions about introversion.  What are the roots of the preference for extroversion in the West, especially in America?  Is introversion real, a quality inherent to our nature?  Are there cultures where introversion is preferred?  Finally, how to introvert live in an extroverted culture?

What Cain calls the “Extrovert Ideal” arose with a cultural shift to a focus on personality.  This isn’t personality as a trait as she uses in the rest of the book, but personality as personal forcefulness, persuasion and salesmanship.  This seems to have arisen naturally over time with the rise of industry and our move to cities.  We were less producers and more sellers, and the main thing we had to sell was ourselves.  Cain uses as an example, though the trend started earlier, Dale Carnegie (a Missourian like me).  Carnegie propelled himself from shy farm boy to dynamic people person by mastering public speaking and he built and business that still exists today on teaching people to be more outgoing.

The distinction between introversion and extroversion is more that cultural, though.  There is evidence that inborn physiological difference play a role in these personalities.  Cain discusses research on the subject that  suggest there is a biological basis that at  least partly explains introversion, though life experience likely still plays some role.  There is not a 100 percent correlation between being a “highly reactive” or “highly sensitive” person and being an introvert, but many introverts reading this book will probably recognize themselves in these categories.

Though the Extrovert Ideal prevails in the West, introversion seems to be preferred in the East.  We see this in the quiet studiousness that has become the reputation of Asian-Americans.  Many Asian cultures prefer quiet, reserve, deference, reflectiveness and other traits associated with introversion.  They are seen as wisdom, politeness and respect.

Though extroverts draw most of the attention, and that will likely continue, introverts have strengths that can be useful in organization and society (introverts aren’t antisocial, they just deal with stimulus differently than extroverts).  Introverts are more likely to pay attention to warning signs.  For instance, Warren Buffet predicted the collapse of the internet bubble.  He wasn’t being a bearish pessimist; he was just paying attention to signs that reward-hungry extroverts were ignoring.  Cain found her questioning mind and quiet demeanor made her an excellent negotiator because she could question assertions without seeming overly aggressive.  I’ve often found myself in the role of mediator and negotiator for the same reason; I could listen, sort out what people really wanted, and offer a compromise.

Not only that, Cain offers a path for happy introversion.  We can be true to ourselves and be as extroverted as we need to be to accomplish those things that are truly important to us.  Extroverts can be as quiet as they need to be, too.

Reading Quiet prompted me to think a lot about my introversion.  With a few exceptions (I was never especially afraid of public speaking—it got me out of the crowd of pressing bodies in the audience), I’m a typical introvert.  I may write about it sometime.  I suspect many introverts who read it will find much to reflect on, especially since such reflection will come naturally.  It is a worthy book for extroverts, too, for insight into the many obvious and hidden introverts in their lives, probably a few very close to them.

Cain, Susan.  Quiet: The Power if Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop TalkingNew York: Crown, 2012.

Google

Monday, September 10, 2012

Just Write by Walter Dean Myers

Myers, Walter DeanJust Write: Here’s How!  New York: Collins, 2012.

Walter Dean Myers is an author of mostly of books for children and young adults.  That is the primary audience for Just Write: Here’s How!

Myers makes no bones about it.  Writing is hard work.  Myers, and he believes most other successful writers, has a process that helps he prepare for, write, and complete books.  A writer needs to love the process of writing if he hopes to complete books and have them be of good quality.

Having said that, Just Write is not a highly technical book.  Myers’ process if fairly straightforward.  He uses a simple outline to get started (actually two: one for fiction and one for nonfiction).  He fleshes these out into more detailed outlines.

Preparation is important to Meyers.  Partly this is the hard work of putting together a good outline and developing an understanding of your main character.  He also advocates plenty of research.  Writers, especially when they are young, write about things they haven’t experienced personally, and research will serve both as a personal education and a source of authenticity for the book.


Don’t skimp on preparation and don’t shy away for rewriting.  Myers considers rewriting important.  He welcomes input from his editor that will make his books better.

Many examples come from Myers’ experience.  He especially draws upon his unexpectedly pleasant success co-writing Kick with Ross Workman, a teenager at the time they collaborated.  The process of working on Kick and other books provides illustrations for the points he makes.  He holds up Workman as an example of someone with the attitude, work ethic, an especially interest in the process of writing that leads to success as a writer.  Workman had the diligence and humility to learn, deal with feedback, and follow his book through to the end.

Workman also experienced the kind of crisis of confidence that Myers thinks is typical.  A young writer will need to face this crisis and find the courage to continue and improve his work.

Myers’ style in this book is informal, conversational and direct.  It is also personal.  He writes about how he came to be a writer and how it has affected his life.  He writes with a purpose, and that broader purpose to connect to and help kids has led him to speak to kids in trouble both to understand and to encourage them.  Though written for youth, it may be a good place to start for budding writers of any age.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in
Google