Late Night Showdown

I’ve wanted to write about the late night television shows for a while. I’d better get to it before the lineup changes.

I’ll refer to the host instead of the show. For many of use, they’re nearly synonymous and the hosts clearly have a lot to do with the tone and flavor of the show.

7 (because there aren’t 10 on the list). Jimmy Kimmel
Kimmel is last on my list because I watch him least. I get poor reception of the nearest ABC affiliate. What I’ve seen suggests that he is good, but he doesn’t stand out from the crowd.

6. Carson Daly

I like the new format of Daly’s show. I think it suits him better than the traditional talk show format. I rarely stay up that late, so I rarely see his show. It’s like a little slice of MTV from the days before it was dominated by horrible reality shows.

5. Craig Ferguson
Ferguson is delightfully daft. He’s not for everyone and not always for me.

4. Jay Leno

Back in Leno’s Tonight Show days, I’d watch Letterman’s monologue and opening material. I might have switched over later if Leno had a more interesting guest.

When Leno started at 9:00 (central time), I was a little excited about seeing something new, a late night style show that came on before my bedtime. I was disappointed that Leno did the same old thing with seemingly less energy. Considering that NBC brings me some version of Law and Order or Dateline almost every night, I shouldn’t be surprised.

3. Jimmy Fallon
Fallon is the Minnie Pearl of late night. He is just so happy to be there. He is enthusiastic about everything and his excitement draws me in. He has loads of fun and is fun to watch.

2. David Letterman

Letterman is the king of late night. In my opinion, he has been the best for a long time.

Letterman is a famous curmudgeon, but he can be a sweet guy. He is often aloof, but often fatherly, warm of flirtatious. He makes a living through mirth, yet shows his anger. He makes a show of the off-putting elements of his character, but has a very loyal staff, which suggests he is very loyal to them.

Letterman is a man. He is not everyman. He is a unique man, full of flaws and contradiction that are his own, who through hard work and luck gained what he still sees as the privilege to make a very good living doing what he loves to do. What could be more appealing than that?

1. Conan O’Brien
Letterman is the king of late night, but O’Brien is its future. That is what I thought until recently he still can be if NBC gets its head on straight and invests in the future of its brand (and the personal brands it helped build) instead of grasping at a expedient solutions.

I think O’Brien will put on a good show wherever he lands, though he might initially suffer from a move to another show. Whatever network nabs O’Brien will be better off for it. In the long term, NBC will deservedly suffer for the loss.

The Introvert's Way by Sophia Dembling

Blogger Sophia Dembling writes about her life as an introvert. This subject carries over into her book The Introvert’s Way.

Dembling tries to sort out what introversion is. It is not simply the opposite of extroversion, nor is it shyness. It is not antisocial or pathological. Introversion and extroversion are different ways in which the brains of people operate. There is much that is positive in the introverted way, even if western—and particularly American—culture has a preference for traits associated with extroverts.

Admittedly, introverts can come across as aloof, timid, or too intense. Dembling describes how introverts are simply responding to the world in ways that suit our (yes, I’m an introvert) sensitivity to stimuli, energy, and way of thinking. When we withdraw, we’re simply tired or overstimulated, not angry or shy. We can seem intense because we like making deeper connections and we are passionate about our interests. Dembling suggest that introverts can combat misperceptions by first accepting themselves as they are and then gently explaining it to others.

Another thing that introverts tend to do that can drive extrovert up the wall is we think and act slowly. My longsuffering wife has learned to give me plenty of advanced notice when an important decision is needed from me or us as a couple. This may be why introverts shine in e-mail, texting, and social media (some of us old-timers still write letters on occasion). The media allow us to think and respond at our own pace.

Dembling also addresses the misconception that introverts don’t have fun. We do. Sometimes we even have fun at parties or social gatherings, especially with a small group of close friends or family. Introverts generally like quiet, slow-paced activities. Extroverts probably look at us and think we’re not doing anything.

Each chapter is written as a short essay. In addition to dealing with the issues already mentioned, Dembling writes about how she and other introverts deal with things we tend to hate, like parties and small talk. She takes a middle ground somewhere between don’t be bullied by (well-meaning) extorverts and suck it up because these things are part of life. To have the peaceful life introverts want along with the social life they want (and they do want one), they have to strike a balance, and Dembling suggests some ways that balance can be made.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron

Quiet by Susan Cain

Dembling, Sophia. The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World. New York: Perigee, 2012.

The Beethoven Factor by Paul Pearsall

Sometimes it seems like we’re all sick and crazy. This may stem from a focus on trying to find and fix what is wrong with us. Psychologist Paul Pearsall referred to this as a pathogenic focus. In his book The Beethoven Factor, he discusses the field of positive psychology, which focuses on what is right with people and what we can learn from those who are well adjusted, happy and healthy. In particular, Pearsall focuses on thriving.

Thriving is growth in the aftermath, and even in the midst of, stressful situations. The people he discusses and learns from in his book, some patients of his and many his fellow patients in a cancer ward, often suffered greatly from disease, war, poverty and other hardships. These people had there ups and downs, but they managed an emotional upward trend.

The heart of thriving is a flexible explanatory style. We’re all telling ourselves stories that interpret and evaluate our lives. People who thrive are adaptive and creative in the stories they tell themselves, which allows them to savor and find meaning in their lives even while suffering.

Thriving can be paradoxical, especially from a pathogenic outlook: someone is becoming stronger in a situation that is expected to make them weaker. Those who thrive can defy the expectations the traditional view of healthy thinking. They work on themselves, which can sometimes make them seem aloof or insensitive. They can be in denial, but they use it to give themselves a temporary escape for pain and time to think. They can be hard to like because of their intensity; when someone is getting the most out of life, they may have little patience for interruptions, naysayers and whiners. They are reflective, which can make them seem withdrawn. They can be depressed, down on themselves and loose hope as they make their journey. Thriving is a process of learning, so it can take a long time, though sometimes someone will catch on quickly.

Pearsall offers a lot of advice on how to thrive, especially in the second half of the book (the first half focuses on introducing positive psychology and defining thriving). This section focuses on four aspects of thriving: hardiness, happiness, healing and hope.

Hardiness comes from our beliefs. Hardy people have beliefs that help them commit to engaging in living, finding a sense of control—which includes knowing when to let go of control—and seeing the difficulties they face and challenges they can cope with if not overcome.

Happiness is rooted in flow. It is focus and engagement in life. Happy people push aside distractions, expectations and striving for things that don’t really bring them joy.

Healing is fundamentally learning. We all suffer to some extent in our lives, and these periods of sickness or other hardship are telling us to slow down and pay attention. Healing people learn to make sense of what happens (in their own ways),  cope with it, and find meaning in their experiences.

Hoping is what Pearsall calls “cautious optimism.” People who hope find a way to hold onto their dreams, or come up with new dreams, without expecting on depending on them. They imagine that the world, imperfect as it is, may be the best possible world, so they get on with seeking all they can enjoy in it.

Pearsall offers his readers a big dose of practical grace. If you’re really finding your own way to cope with adversity in a way the truly engages life as fully as you can, you’re on the path to thriving and it is okay that you may not be the upbeat, outgoing, positive, realistic person that your psychologists, physicians, self-help books and friends think you should be. Living is learning, especially in times of sickness and difficulty; learning is challenging, slow work that requires focus and imagination. If you’re learning, you will struggle and be worn out sometimes. You’ll also be engaged in life in a way that puts you in an uneven, but upward trend, instead of spiraling downward in despair.

Paul Pearsall also wrote

The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need

Toxic Success

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson with Miriam Z. Klipper

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Pearsall, Paul. The Beethoven Factor: The New Positive Psychology of Hardiness, Happiness, Healing, and Hope.  Charlottesville, VA: Hampton Roads, 2003.