Choosing Civility by P. M. Forni

In a previous job, I worked in the field of industrial safety.  This is partly a matter of regulation, so there was often great concern about the rules. Though it was necessary to follow the rules, I also wanted to people to think. If they were going to be safe in reality, they needed to be aware, use their imagination, solve problems and ask for help.

I found a parallel to this in P. M. Forni’s approach to civility. As he put it in Choosing Civility, “Consideration is imagination in a moral track.”

In the early chapters Forni considers the notion of civility and how it relates to courtesy, politeness and manners. He wrote, “Being civil means being constantly aware of others and weaving restraint, respect and consideration into the fabric of this awareness. Civility is a form of goodness; it is gracious goodness.” Civility is the art of living well with others.

The second part of the book includes brief chapters on the rules of civility. In some cases, Forni prescribes some behavior, but in mostly this is an exploration of how awareness, respect and consideration of others can practiced in various ways.

I think a few of these worth highlighting. The first of Forni’s rules is to be attentive. Your attention is one of the most important and valuable things you can give to someone. Paying attention to others is the starting point of showing respect and acting in kindness.

Related to attention is listening. Careful listening is a skill. When practiced well, it can build understanding and rapport between people. It requires focus, generosity, responsiveness, restraint and cooperation.

I think Forni’s admonition to avoid complaining is especially worthy. We have legitimate concerns that we should speak up about, but often complaints are just a way to drag people into a negative outlook or some minor problem that is not theirs.

“’Nice’ is something that must be built, something that doesn’t simply happen or come to us out of the blue but instead requires work," P. M. Forni, Choosing Civility

P. M. Forni also wrote The Thinking Life.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen

The Power of Nice by Linda Kaplan Thaler & Robin Koval

The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need by Paul Pearsall

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Forni, P. M. Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2002.

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

I first glanced through David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man several years ago. I seemed far out to me. When I saw it recommended in another book (You are a Badass by Jen Sincero), I decided to read it. It’s still far out there.

Deida’s premise is that sexual passion has its source in the attraction of opposite poles, masculine and feminine energies. The book is written as if to a men with strong masculine sexual energy who are attracted to women with strong feminine energy, but he believes that the underlying concept applies to any sex or sexual orientation. The essential polarity is masculine and feminine, not male and female.

Masculine energy is purposeful and giving. Men have gifts for the world and they are only fulfilled when they are giving their gifts wholeheartedly.

Problems arise when men shirk their purpose and put aside sacrifice for the sake of comfort and distraction. If a man allows himself to be diverted, he will have problems in sexual relationships as well as other aspects of life.

Women represent a paradox for men. Feminine energy is focused on relationship, no purpose. However, a woman with strong feminine energy is attracted to a man with strong masculine energy. She wants him to be committed to his purpose as his first priority, but she also wants his devotion and security in the relationship. She will test him in both areas and tempt him to see if he is weak in either.

This may make it seem like women have conflicting desires and spend their days dreaming up ways to drive men crazy. Deida disagrees. What women want is for their men to be all they can be, to be their best selves. A woman can relax with such a man, trust him and allow her own feminine energy to flow.

Deida puts the relationship for successful relationships and satisfying sex on the shoulders of men. If you want it, you have to step up and be the kind of man who can be true to his highest calling and best self even in the face of fear and pain.

Sex is more than an act we perform. It is bound up in who we are, our passion for life and our capacity for  intimacy.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

No More Christian Nice Guy by Paul Coughlin

The Sacred Romance by John Eldridge with Brian Curtis

Deida, David. The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering Women, Work, and Sexual Desire. 1997. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 2004.

Positive Words, Powerful Results by Hal Urban

Educator Hal Urban reminds his readers of the power of words in Positive Words, Powerful Results. Words create pictures in our minds. They influence our buying decisions and health. One of the most important things about words is that we can chose how to use them, whether to build up or to tear down.

Urban encourages people to use words to build up. Use kind, affirming, complimentary words. Tell people what they are doing right. Express interest in people and ask them about themselves.

In addition to influencing others, words can reveal what is going on inside of us. Our choice of words reveals whether our thoughts and feelings are positive or negative. As Jesus put it, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings for that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings for that which is evil; for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45).

If we want to produce positive words that help people, we need to be concerned about what goes into that treasure of our hearts. There is a lot of trash out there and if we don’t limit our exposure, we can easily become full of it. There is also plenty of good and we can seek it out. Just as we choose what we say, we can also choose much of what we hear.

Though it is couched in a discussion of the words we use, Urban is engaging a larger issue of how we treat each other. He encourages kindness, gentleness and generosity. These virtues may demand more than words, but they still demand expression in speech; they cannot be advanced by harshness and complaining.

Urban’s background as a teacher comes through both in the examples he draws on and the way he writes. The book is not written for children, but I think it is within the grasp of high school students and possibly younger children, particularly if an adult were going through the book with them.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen

The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry

The Power of Nice by Linda Kaplan Thaler & Robin Koval

The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale

Urban, Hal. Positive Words, Powerful Results: Simple Ways to Honor, Affirm, and Celebrate Life. New York: Fireside, 2004.

350 Books Reviewed on Keenan's Book Reviews

I’ve posted reviews of 350 books on this blog. It’s hard to believe.  Here are links to the 50 most recent posts. Further down are links to more reviews.

First Time Reviews

A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen

A Little History of Science by William Bynum

A Professor, a President, and a Meteor by Cathryn J. Prince

Ada's Algorithm by James Essinger

The Age of Edison by Ernest Freeburg

Better for All the World by Harry Bruinius

Changing Minds by Howard Gardner

Complaint Free Relationships by Will Bowen

Depreciation Systems by Frank K. Wolf & W. Chester Fitch

Esther

Ezra

Fic by Anne Jamison

The Fifth Heart by Dan Simmons

The First 20 Hours by Josh Kaufman

Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

Future Bright by Martin E. Martinez

The Introvert's Way by Sophia Dembling

Isaiah

Job

Kirby by Mark Evanier

Level Up Your Life by Steve Kamb

Life's Matrix by Philip Ball

Make a Joyful Sound by Helen Elmira Waite

Mindset by Carol S. Dweck

Miss Mizzou by J. B. Winter

Nehemiah

9 Things You Must Do by Henry Cloud

Old Testament History

On a Grander Scale by Lisa Jardine

The Organized Mind by Daniel J. Levitin

The Peerless Peer by Philip Jose Farmer

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Planck by Brandon R. Brown

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

The Power of Nice by Linda Kaplan Thaler & Robin Koval

Professional Amateur by T. A. Boyd

Public Utility Depreciation by NARUC

Reading Comics by Douglas Wolk

Return of the Thin Man by Dashiell Hammett

Rock Breaks Scissors by William Poundstone

Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together by Bryan Lee O'Malley

Scott Pilgrim vs. the Universe by Bryan Lee O'Malley

Second Chronicles

The Secret History of Wonder Woman by Jill Lepore

The Seven-Per-Cent Solution by Nicholas Meyer

Small Move, Big Change by Caroline L. Arnold

Smartcuts by Shane Snow

Switch on Your Brain by Caroline Leaf

Timeless Healing by Herbert Benson with Marg Stark

Waste and Want by Susan Strasser

Additional and Expanded Reviews

It's Not About Me by Max Lucado

Mark

Matthew

Continuation of list of 350 books reviewed

First 25 Reviews

Reviews 26-50

Reviews 51-75

Reviews 76-100

Reviews 101-150

Reviews 151-200

Reviews 201-250

Reviews 250-300

Women's History Month 2016

For Women’s History Month, I’ve listed below books by or about women (a few fictional), along with some other interesting links.

A Professor, a President, and a Meteor by Cathryn J. Prince

Ada's Algorithm by James Essinger

Double Your Brain Power by Jean Marie Stine

Esther

Fic by Anne Jamison

The Introvert's Way by Sophia Dembling

Make a Joyful Sound by Helen Elmira Waite

Mindset by Carol S. Dweck

Miss Leavitt's Stars by George Johnson

Miss Mizzou by J. B. Winter

On a Grander Scale by Lisa Jardine

The Power of Nice by Linda Kaplan Thaler & Robin Koval

Rapt by Winifred Gallagher

The Secret History of Wonder Woman by Jill Lepore

Small Move, Big Change by Caroline L. Arnold

The Solution by Lucinda Bassett

Switch on Your Brain by Caroline Leaf

Tech sector hiring more women, data shows... or is it? (@BonnieGrrl in Crave)

Waste and Want by Susan Strasser

Women's History Month Links 2013

Women’s History Month Links 2011

Professional Amateur by T. A. Boyd

Charles F. Kettering’s legacy as a philanthropist is memorialized in the names of the institutions he supported such as the Kettering Foundation and the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. As an engineer, I’m more familiar with is reputation as an inventor and innovator, especially in automotive engineering.

Kettering’s associate, T. A. Boyd, memorialized him in the biography Professional Amateur. I think the title is intended to convey Kettering’s humility and determination to not let expertise or established knowledge get in the way of progress. As an engineer, and arguably a scientist, Kettering was devoted to experimentation.

As with others of his era (he was born in 1876), Kettering’s education was not traditional by current standards. After graduating high school, he began teaching in one-room schoolhouses in Ohio such as the one he had attended. He later attended the College of Wooster, studying Greek with an eye toward becoming a pastor, and eventually graduated from the Ohio State University with a degree in electrical engineering. Problems with his eyes caused interruptions in his formal education.

Kettering valued his school experience, but he also valued his practical experience. He got a job installing poles for a telephone company and worked his way into installing lines and switchboards. He and friends undertook amateur experiments in chemistry and electricity. Even as a child he took great interest in nature.

After introducing us to his early life, the book turns to his career as an inventor and research engineer. He established what is now Delco, which he sold to General Motors. He had a long career leading the research efforts at GM. The final chapters of the book describe Kettering’s views on business and education and his career as a public speaker.

Kettering met his wife, Olive, while working for a rural telephone company. Their son, Gene, followed his father into engineering and eventually had a successful career in designing and building diesel-electric locomotives a General Motors.

Boyd was a friend of Kettering, who was still alive when Professional Amateur was published. Needless to say, the book is very complimentary to its subject. Few faults are attributed to the man, except that Kettering is depicted as being so absorbed in his research that he would overlook social conventions like keeping a nice suit clean, entertaining guests, or remembering the purpose of his appointments. The research engineer left his business affairs mostly in the hands of trusted partners so he could concentrate on the work that interested him, though Boyd’s depiction indicates Kettering was shrewd about business.

I don’t think the book is intended for children, but it is written in simple and direct style that might be accessible to many young readers. It was published in 1957, so more recent or thorough biographies may be available. For instance, Kettering introduced tetraethyl lead to gasoline as a way to reduce knock and improve fuel efficiency. Though it was considered safe at the time (as Boyd points out), the lead emissions from automobiles has be reevaluated sense and we no longer use leaded gasoline. The book was written before anyone was seriously aware of or concerned about this issue, so it does not consider it.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Age of Edison by Ernest Freeburg

The Essential Engineer: Why Science Alone Will Not Solve Our Global Problems by Henry Petroski

Make a Joyful Sound by Helen Elmira Waite

The Pinball Effect by James Burke

Boyd, T. A. Professional Amateur: The Biography of Charles Franklin Kettering. New York: E. P. Dutton & Co., 1957.

New & Interesting Stuff September 5, 2015

Changing Minds by Howard Gardner

Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

Job

New & Interesting Stuff April 12, 2014

On a Grander Scale by Lisa Jardine

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

The Power of Nice by Linda Kaplan Thaler & Robin Koval

Public Utility Depreciation by NARUC

The Power of Nice by Linda Kaplan Thaler & Robin Koval

Nice guys do not finish last. According to advertising executives Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval, authors of The Power of Nice, kindness, generosity, empathy pay off even in the business world.

Kindness is a great way to make a positive impression, and those impressions can come back multiplied. In addition, you never know when the one you’re showing kindness to someone who has the will and means to extravagantly repay you, though you shouldn’t go around with a fake generosity hoping some of your supposed goodness will bind a jinni to your service. Be good because it is good, but don’t be surprised when the little people you help along the way become big people who want to help you.

Niceness should become automatic, a way you treat people all the time, whoever they are. You’ll know when you’re being genuine and when you’re being fake, and let the knowledge lead you to be genuinely kind. Extend it to cover even your rivals; if you can’t convert them, you’ll neutralize them to some degree.

Even if you don’t have much to give, be a giver. Even little gestures, smiles, and a helpful hand count. One of the seemingly most simple, but in practice difficult, things to give is your attention. Few things move a person as much as the sense that someone genuinely listened to them; and it is a great way to learn.

The skill at the heart of all this is empathy. I use the word skill because Kaplan Thaler and Koval write about how people can improve their empathy. First, listen to the emotion words; people are telling you how they feel if you will listen. Consider how what you say and do will affect others. Finally, don’t assume the actions of others are about you; they have other stuff going on.

This is a short book and full of anecdotes. If you’re looking for a quick read touching on the emotional side of business with practical advice, this will suit your needs.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Eat That Cookie! by Liz Jazwiec

It’s Not About Me by Max Lucado

The Velveteen Principles by Toni Raiten-D’Antonio

Why Good Things Happen to Good People by Stephen Post and Jill Neimark

Kaplan Thaler, Linda, & Robin Koval. The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness. New York: Currency, 2006.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the Universe by Bryan Lee O'Malley

This fifth installment of the Scott Pilgrim series of graphic novels by Bryan Lee O’Malley seems to me to be the Kim Pine story. Kim is Scott’s ex-girlfriend and bandmate. She has enough troubles of her own with a bad roommate, cheating boyfriend, and a sense of losing her edge as Sex Bob-omb makes and album instead of playing musing.

In spite of this, Kim musters the selfless courage to help Scott and Ramona get over their baggage and try to make their relationship work. She draws out the best of friends often seem to be not worth the trouble, especially Scott. She supports and encourages both, and helps them to connect when they can’t seem to do it on their own.

Scott is being a jerk, as usually, through much of the book. He is incredibly forgetful. I suspect it is a kind of Peter Pan syndrome. On his 24^th birthday, Scott vows to stop aging. He seems to have trouble forming new memories. For all the progress he made in previous books, he is still resisting the transition to adulthood.

Even with the focus on Kim, the story of the evil exes continues. Scott defeats the Katayanagi twins, though in a different manner than the movie. This is another scene of Kim’s selfless friendship.

Of all the books, this one has the sense of being “in between.” It is in between the build and the climax to be expected in the final book. I think O’Malley made a good choice in bringing in Kim so much in this volume. He was able to move the story of Scott and Ramona along while also giving some space to look around and not rush to the end. Scott is too messed up to make it on his own, so it is nice to see one of them get some attention.

Bryan Lee O’Malley also wrote

Scott Pilgrim and the Infinite Sadness

Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life 

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Maus by Art Spiegelman 

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (Film)

O’Malley, Bryan Lee. Scott Pilgrim vs. the Universe. Portland, OR: Oni Press, 2009.

If you don’t think your valuable, others won’t either

If you don’t think your valuable, others won’t either.

-Paul Coughlin, No More Christian Nice Guy

Optimism facilitates willingness to take risks

Optimism facilitates willingness to take risks and to live with the consequences—it breeds courage and a choice to embrace even failure for the purpose of learning and growth.

-Paul Coughlin, No More Christian Nice Guy

God is an odds-breaker

God is an odds-breaker—he loves that game, and when you flex even a small amount of faith, he’ll open doors fro you.

-Paul Coughlin, No More Christian Nice Guy

Courageous people aren't always so

Courageous people aren’t always so; they’re flawed humans like everyone else, yet they manage to push through the low times, partly because they don’t waste energy on self-beatings.

-Paul Coughlin, No More Christian Nice Guy

Eat That Cookie! by Liz Jazwiec

Jazwiec, Liz.  Eat That Cookie!  Gulf Breeze, FL: Fire Starter, 2009.

Liz Jazwiec is a former hospital emergency department director and current consultant and speaker.  In her book, Eat That Cookie!, she draws upon her experience in creating a positive workplace to show the benefits of positivity and how it can be created.

Jazwiec was a hardnosed nurse who didn’t have time for fluff.  Her job was hard.  Her hospital was in a rough and poor neighborhood.  Oh, and some people are just stupid.  She was skeptical of the positivity movement in her hospital and she only go on board because of the unsubtle threat of consequences if she didn’t.  Slapping on a smile and being nice to people wasn’t going to make things better.

Except it does.  Kindness, even if it is fake, makes people feel better.  Expressions of

gratitude grow goodwill.  Letting go of judgment also means letting go of a lot of frustration.  Fun and productivity can coexist, even thrive together.  Celebration is important; you need to recognize achievement if you want to keep getting it from people.

Each chapter touches on a subject related to positive workplaces and how it helps make workplaces more productive.  The book is full of examples, some from Jazwiec’s work as an emergency department director and some from clients or other hospitals.  The title come from the example of a hospital unit that instituted a weekly no negativity day, with smiley face cookies served to staff that day as a reminder.

Cookies may sound silly.  Sometimes the silliness is intentional.  It is a reminder, and remembering  and keeping people accountable is an important part of a positive workplace.  Positive workplaces are made and sustained through effort and consistent, reinforced behaviors.  Jazwiec is practical-minded in this regard.  Positive workplaces don’t just happen.

To that end, the book contains a lot of advice.  Leadership needs to provide accountability, fairness, and a focus on behavior.  Don’t overwhelm people with changes.  Institute three or four changes a year, and make sure you have a high level of compliance before introducing something new.

As a consultant to hospitals, Jazwiec focuses on them.  Almost any workplace could benefit from positivity in the same ways, though.  Her examples could easily be adapted to other organizations.

In fact, much of what Jazwiec writes about is simple.  As I often say, “If simple were easy, more things would be simple.”  A workplace won’t become more positive overnight just because you feed people smiley face cookies.  It takes time, clear expectations, accountability, consistency, and successive changes, especially if negativity is engrained.  Jazwiec’s little book may help you get started.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

One Small Step Can Change Your Life by Robert Maurer

Revved! by Harry Paul and Ross Reck

Google

Scholastic’s A+ Guide to Book Reports by Louise Colligan

Colligan, Louise. Scholastic’s A+ Guide to Book Reports. New York: Scholastic, 1982.

I found a copy of Scholastic’s A+ Guide to Book Reports, authored by Louise Colligan, at a library book sale. It is in near mint condition. There is no crease in the spine. The pages are yellowed after 30 years, but otherwise spotless. The corners of the unfaded cover are slightly foxed, but I think that came from my handling. I guess I’m the first person who read this copy of the book. Presumably, someone who may have been in high school about the same time I was deprived himself of the good advice in this book.

This book is aimed at teenagers, especially high school students, who are assigned to write book reports. I’ve been out of high school a while, but I assume that still happens. Colligan’s advice still applies to that task, and some of it is applicable to other writing.

Part of the system described in the book involves good study skills and organizing work. It is simplistic, narrowly focused and prescriptive, but that is probably appropriate for a teen. I did not have such good habits in high school, and the demands of college and work pushed me into taking an organized approach to my work, which is second nature now. I recommend learning this skill as early a possible.

The rest of the system focuses on the book report, though still in an organized manner. Colligan provides ideas on how to select and appropriate book, approaches to reading with the task of writing a report in mind, and tips for writing different types of book reports. She also lists a number of creative alternatives to essay-style reports.

The understanding of the book is that this activity takes place in a school. Students are encouraged to get appropriate input from the teacher and to focus on the assignment, not going off on tangents.

One of the things that interested me was the list of recommended books. Because of its age, it doesn’t include anything published in the last 30 years. Classics, though, don’t go out of style. I was assigned a few in high school, such as The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck, which I recommend. Like many boys, I enjoyed science fiction and fantasy and on my own read Dune by Frank Herbert and The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien (the one fantasy trilogy that rules them all).

Another interesting thing about the book is that there is no mention of the Internet. It didn’t exist. I don’t know how the Internet has affected the high school book report. I suspect that it has had little effect. Colligan’s sound little manual is probably as useful today as it was when I was a freshman, and I have a very nice copy available for a reasonable sum.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in
How to Read Literature Like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster
How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read by Pierre Bayard
You Can Write for Magazines by Greg Daugherty
Your Intelligence Makeover by Edward F. Droge, Jr.

Google

Confidence is one of life's most attractive attributes

Confidence is one of life’s most attractive attributes, especially in a man.
-Paul Coughlin, No More Christian Nice Guy

Romans

Romans. The Holy Bible. New King James Version. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1982.


Paul wrote this letter to the church at Rome around A.D. 57 and expressed his desire to visit them. In the meantime, he gave them much to consider.

I think Romans is a very important book of the Bible, one that Christians would do well to read carefully. This is because Paul lays out the fullness of Christ’s atoning work and what it means for the way Christians can and should live more thoroughly than possibly any other single book. He also argues that Christ fulfilled the plan of God to reconcile with man that had been in the works from the beginning, drawing heavily on the Old Testament.

Paul may have been uniquely prepared to write this book. He was Jewish, a Pharisee, a zealot and, prior to his conversion, a persecutor of the church. (Paul talked and wrote about his early life and conversion regularly. A nice summary form his address to Agrippa in appears in the 26th chapter of Acts, though it is addressed elsewhere in Acts and his epistles.) Later, the leaders of the church appointed him to serve as a missionary to the Gentiles. Paul came to this letter steeped in the Jewish scripture and tradition, longing to see them experience salvation in Christ and he had, and committed to his calling to carry the Gospel to the Gentiles.

After the introductory matters, Paul lays out the foundations of Christianity going back to the Old Testament. A summary of the major points follow.

-The Universality of Sin. We’ve all sinned, done wrong, and deserve the judgment of God against us. Whether we’re a Jew, a Gentile, or anything else, we’re all in the same boat.

-The Primacy of Faith. From the start, or at least as early as Abraham, God has chosen to have mercy on people who have faith in Him, forgive their sins, and impart to them a righteousness (right standing, merit, or goodness) that wasn’t their own. This began before the law was given to Moses (in the example of Abraham), continued during the law’s seeming primacy (from the words of David), and was completed in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, who bore the punishment of our sins and gives us a new life.

-Christ Enables Us to Live in a New Way. As Christians, we can and should live in new way that is characterized by honoring God, doing good, and eschewing sin. However, God doesn’t transform us in an instant; we struggle with sinful habits and new temptations and sometimes we lose. Even so, we can have confidence through our faith in the One who saved us. God chose to love us and adopt us as His own children. We are indwelled by the Holy Spirit, i.e. God lives in us, and He step-by-step quickens us in our new life. Chapter 8 digs into this issue and many believers can read this chapter repeatedly.

Paul them moves on to other issues. One is the unbelief of the Jewish people of his day. He had hoped that his people would respond to the Gospel.

As he approaches the end of his letter, Paul touches on many practical matters of the Christian life. The include service, character, citizenship, getting along, loving and helping each other.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in
Acts
Genesis
The Gospels