Thanks! by Robert A. Emmons

Emmons, Robert A. Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make Your Happier. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 2007.

As a psychologist, Robert Emmons is objective in his study of gratitude. However, he is not neutral about it because his research, and that of others, has shown that gratitude enhances happiness and resilience.


Emmons addresses something interesting about gratitude that other books on the subject don’t address as directly: it is both an emotion and an attitude. He discusses how gratitude is an emotion in a technical, psychological sense, which is not as dry as it may seem. He presents it in understandable terms.

Emotions are fleeting and one can’t feel grateful constantly. This is where the attitude of gratitude comes in. One can adopt a stance toward life that includes an awareness of the gifts one receive, great and small, and the expression of thanks for those gifts.

Such gratitude is not simply a matter of thinking. Emmons devotes a chapter to the “embodiment” of gratitude, the behavioral and physical expression of thanks. Gratefulness may be embodied in a healthier heart, longer life, more positive emotions, reduced pain, better cognition, and better self-care. These are just some of the ways gratitude is good for you.

Another benefit of gratitude is the resiliency thankful people have in trying times. People have an amazing capacity for a tendency toward positive emotions. Within months of great harms like debilitating injury, loss of love ones, or natural catastrophe, people feel positive emotions about as often as before. Even in the midst of huge losses, people can experience positive emotions alongside negative ones. Grateful people don’t ignore the negative; they just also acknowledge the positive. They recognize that things might have been worse and their still glad to have what they have. Grateful people are resilient people.

In studying gratitude, Emmons didn’t limit himself to the science, but looked to cultural traditions too, especially religion. The encouragement of gratitude is universal in major world religions. Gratitude to God, as well as others, is a trait of monotheistic religions. Other religions call for a general attitude of gratitude. He specifically addresses several religious traditions of gratefulness, and his discussion of the pervasive thanksgiving that is called for in Christianity is on the mark.

One of my favorite things about the book is that it devotes a chapter to practicing gratitude. It is easy to take things for granted, so thankfulness is something we need to be develop and sustain through practice. Emmons describes 10 things people can do to cultivate gratitude. Each activity is easy to perform and most are intended for regular practice.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in
The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry
Gratitude by Melody Beattie
Why Good Things Happen to Good People by Stephen Post and Jill Neimark

Psalms

Psalms is a collection of songs. Many of the songs are attributed to the poet and king David. Others are attributed to Asaph, the sons of Korah, Solomon and even Moses. Many are anonymous.

The songs were meant to be sung, and sometimes they contain annotations suggesting a certain style, tune or instruments. I find that sometimes the structure or words of a psalm suggest that it was probably intended for a soloist, a chorus, or a call and response.

Many of the psalms, especially those attributed to David, deal with the faithfulness of God and the blessed life of those who trust Him. Other psalms suggest that David encouraged, and probably enjoyed, corporate singing of praise to God. David is particularly honest in his prayer-like psalms, and is not afraid to express his anger, disappointment and fear. Even in these moments, he is grateful for God’s mercy.

Several psalms have a messianic message, foreseeing and describing Christ before His coming. Jesus even suggests that these psalms refer to Him, along with other Old Testament scripture (see Luke 24:44).

Other songs were written for, or have become associated with, certain ceremonies. The Hallel psalms (113-118) are sung as part of the Passover celebration. The Songs of Ascent (120-134) are associated with pilgrimages to Jerusalem.

You will find there is a psalm that resonates with almost any emotion, mood or experience. Though the music of these songs is lost to most of us, they still invite us to explore our thoughts and experience, reflect, pray, and connect to a God who cares, who’s mercy is at hand. Even the structure of much of this Hebrew poetry, in which ideas are repeated, compare and contrasted, invites one into meditation.

Psalms. The Holy Bible. New King James Version. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1982.

Smarter Faster Better by Charles Duhigg

You may be like me in the sense of wanting to get more done and falling short. I realize I can’t do all the things I imagine I might do. There aren’t enough hours in life for it and I can let much of it go. However, there are some things that are important to me. It bothers me that I make so little progress on them.

Journalist Charles Duhigg considers this problem of productivity in Smarter Faster Better. Rather than turning to standard self-help fare, he sought out scientifically supported strategies.

For instance, there is a lots said in self-help books about motivation. Duhigg makes the interesting point that motivation can be learned. We can learn to push ourselves to make decisions and take action.

That is a neat concept. If you see motivation as a skill, you can quit beating yourself up and accept that you are not good at motivating yourself yet. Instead, you can focus on improving the skill. You can reward yourself for the effort—however imperfect—and seek lessons to do better next time.

You might start with Duhigg’s tip to think of what it feels like to be in control and how good it is. The memory, and the positive emotion attached to it, may be the boost that gets you moving. Also ask yourself why you are doing something; uncover why it is meaningful to you.

You can learn to pay attention to the right things at the right time, too. Productive people have good mental models that help them ignore the noise and see the details that make a difference. You can develop these models by telling yourself stories throughout the day about what you expect, why you expect it and how your experience matches or varies from the tale.

This imagination can help you make decisions. We can’t know the future, but if we accept uncertainty and imagine the possibilities—good and bad—we can make good guesses.

Another bit of advice from Duhigg is that when you learn something new, you should do something with it. In the last chapter of the book, he recaps by showing how he used the strategies to get his research and writing done.

Charles Duhigg also wrote The Power of Habit.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

A Mind for Numbers by Barbara A. Oakley

The Big Thing by Phyllis Korkki

Future Bright by Martin E. Martinez

The Genius in All of Us by David Shenk

Get Smart! by Brian Tracy

Learn Better by Ulrich Boser

Level Up Your Life by Steve Kamb

Mindset by Carol S. Dweck

The Organized Mind by Daniel J. Levitin

The Procrastination Equation by Piers Steel

Rapt by Winifred Gallagher

Duhigg, Charles. Smarter Faster Better: The Secrets to Being Productive in Life and Business. New York: Random House, 2016.

The Abolition of Man by C. S. Lewis

Lewis, C.S. The Abolition of Man: Or Reflections on Education with Special Reference to the Teaching of English in the Upper Forms of School. 1944. New York: HarperOne, 2000.

I didn’t expect of find apologist C. S. Lewis discussing the Tao. He used it as a term to describe natural law or traditional values, which he defended in the three lectures collected in The Abolition of Man.

This is a hard book for me to write about, though it is short. Lewis wrote as a thoughtful and educated man to an audience he assumed could follow him. I don’t find it easy to summarize his arguments and do them justice, though I will try.

Lewis began by criticizing a trend in education that debunks emotion and sentiment in favor of reason. The particular English composition he used as an example rightly showed students how to see through the shallow sentimentality and factual falseness of bad writing, but failed to show the merits of good writing, worthy sentiments, or deeper truth.

The product of such an education is people without hearts. Instead of mastering reason, students were equipped with shallow reasonableness. By inoculating students against one kind of propaganda, the authors of the text made them more vulnerable to other propaganda.

For fruitful education, Lewis offers the Tao, teaching people to recognize and esteem the inherent value of things. As he puts it, “The right defence against false sentiments is just sentiments.”

Those who reject traditional values, even if not entirely conscious of it as may be the case of the textbook authors, are proposing new values. However, the tools they use to cut down the old work just as well on the new. They must either stick to the idea that values are cultural vestiges or conventions that have roots in unwanted sentiment instead of desirable reason, and lay the groundwork for future reasoners and reformers to overthrow the new values, or appeal to inherent, self-evident values. On this latter basis, the Tao has much history and endurance.


These ideas have real social consequence. This book was first published in 1944, so the Nazi regime in Germany was very much on Lewis’ mind, as well as then-rising Communism. Though the pseudoscience that the Nazis used to justify their racist policies has been debunked, and even the Soviet Union has crumbled, the idea that a more scientific and rational governance and policy will perfect, or at least greatly improve, human society is alive an well.

As we master nature, even human nature, we also give people who acquire and control that knowledge and technology mastery over other people. Successive generations of such people will grow in mastery over others and, raised with no heart or inherently true values, they will have nothing by which to govern themselves except their own appetites and desires. George Orwell’s vision would cease to be merely an imaginative projection of the excesses of socialism and become something close to prophecy.

Lewis doesn’t see reason and sentiment as being natural enemies, only that some have tried to position one against the other. His vision would be people educated to have within them both powerful reason and powerful sentiments, especially ethical sentiments.

My own experience makes this an attractive vision to me. As a child, I had experienced strong emotions, especially anger, that threatened to overwhelm me because I lacked maturity and self-control. As I got a little older, though still a child, I clamped down on my emotions and tried to comport myself according to reason a much as possible; Mr. Spock from Star Trek was my model. This became a problem, too, in that my life and relationships lacked fullness as I deprived myself and others of something important in my connections. Now that I am a man, and I am coming to see what the fullness of that can be, I long to have both a powerful mind and strong heart. To have one without the other sets one up for many falls, but to have them together is a synergistic combination that empowers one to have greater appreciation for and effectiveness in life.

C.S. Lewis also wrote:
The Great Divorce

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in:
The Road to Serfdom by F. A. Hayek
War Against the Weak by Edwin Black

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World by Bryan Lee O’Malley

O’Malley, Bryan Lee. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Portland, OR: Oni Press, 2005.


Scott Pilgrim is an immature jerk. You might like him, though. He’s in a cool band. Though he’s a coward in ordinary thing, he’s incredibly brave in fantastical fisticuffs.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is a continuation of the titular character’s adventure that started in Bryan Lee O’Malley’s Precious Little Life. The boiled down version of the six-volume series of graphic novels is that Scott must defeat Ramona Flowers’ seven evil exes to win the right to date her.

In this second book, Scott defeats the second evil ex, a vain movie star who used to be a skate boarder. It’s a funny scene, but other parts of the book are better.

We get to see Scott create his own evil ex when he breaks up with his girlfriend, high-school girl Knives Chau. It’s probably a good thing for him to break up with Knives, but Scott is insensitive, selfish, and untruthful. In this sense, Knives isn’t evil in the grand sense of hating all that is good. She’s a wounded, jealous girl who is acting a little crazy, which is evil enough. It leads to one of the books fight scenes (they have the feel of video games and comics, which is a strange mix of weird and accepted in the fantasy of Toronto), which is longer and cooler than Scott’s fights.

Though Knives seems to be almost dismissed early in the book and could be dismissed as a nut in the middle, her story arc begins to open up in this volume. It’s not strictly a fall, but is a move from seemingly innocent ignorance to knowledge of the scary world of young adulthood and complicated relationships. Scott introduced her to this world, but he a poor guide. He would have been a poor guide even if he hadn’t abandoned her.

O’Malley reveals more about Scott’s other relationships. It looks like he might have a string of wounded exes. This includes band mate Kim and Envy Adams, leader of rival band The Clash at Demonhead.

O’Malley’s art in this and other Scott Pilgrims book is a little like manga with big-eyed characters. It is also simplified, cartoony. It has a rough feel. It’s better than I’ve made it sound. The black and white art is textured. It has varied, sometimes painterly, lines. It is full small touches that convey emotion, especially humor. Whatever one might think of the style, I’d say it is good comic book are because it interestingly conveys the story and reveals (not just depicts) the characters.

Bryan Lee O’Malley also wrote
Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life


If your interested in this book, you may also be interested in
Maus by Art Spiegelman
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (Film)

The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry

Newberry, Tommy. The 4:8 Principle: The Secret to a Joy-Filled Life. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2007.



Newberry takes the title of his book, and his theme, from Philippians 4:8. The verse is an admonition to think on good things. According to Newberry, our potential for joy in life is greatly influenced by our predominate thoughts.

The book has three major divisions dealing with the development of a joyful life: thinking and self-worth, emotion management, and developing good habits. The first section may be old ground for those who’ve read similar books. It asserts the connection between our typical thoughts and the results in our mind and actions. If we want more joy, we must think on those things that bring joy. To have a healthy expectation of joy, we must have an appropriate self-image. Newberry gears his book toward a Christian audience and defines self-worth as “authentic self-esteem rooted in your uniqueness as a child of God.”

Thoughts and emotions are not independent. They influence each other. Because of this, we can affect reduce negative emotions and increase positive emotions by out thoughts and the way we look at situations. Newberry devotes a chapter to identifying thought habits that magnify negative emotions and strategies for developing new thinking for better emotional responses. He provides a list of Bible verses that one can dwell on to help combat negative reactions.

The final section deals with lifestyle changes that support joy. It is about taking control of your environment, associations and behavior to protect yourself from negativity and concentrate on joy. Not everything is in our control, but the idea is to respond productively to negativity rather than simply reacting by reproducing the negativity in ourselves.

As part of this, the final chapter is devoted to gratitude. Gratitude is a powerful supporter of joy. One of the best habits to develop to increase joy is to consider what you have to be thankful for and express that gratitude.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
-Philippians 4:8 (NKJV)

It's Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel

Depression and anxiety can be tough to handle and treat. Drugs may treat symptoms, but they do not cure depression and they typically do not work for long or require ever increasing doses. Talk based therapies can be helpful, but sometime it take a long time to get a helpful breakthrough.

Some forms of treatment aim to be more active. One such is accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy, or AEDP. This form of therapy is the basis of the methods described by therapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel in It’s Not Always Depression.

In a nutshell, AEDP sees maladaptive behaviors (defenses) and stressful emotions such as anxiety (inhibitory emotions) as ways to suppress potent core emotions. This can be useful to help us get along in social situations, maintain relationships and keep ourselves from being carried away by strong emotions. This is especially true when we are children and may not have the maturity or power to choose another path. However, we can become stuck in this behavior, never dealing properly with our core emotions, and our inhibitory emotions and defenses can become maladaptive, keeping us from the life and relationships we want and need.

Hendel organizes these items into an equilateral triangle setting on point. Defenses sit at the upper left corner, inhibitory emotions at the upper right, and core emotions at the bottom. Beneath the core emotions is your authentic self, which Hendel calls an openhearted state, in which one feels calm, confident and clear-headed.

Working the triangle is getting in touch with core emotions by finding how our defenses and inhibitory emotions are protecting us from them and the consequences of expressing them. Hendel draws examples from her therapy practice, but the fact that this is a book for a popular audience suggests that this is a technique that people could use on their own as well as in a more formal therapeutic setting. When we acknowledge our core emotions, name them, let ourselves feel them (they will pass) and express them in safe ways (sometimes through fantasy), they lose their potency and move on. By doing this repeatedly we learn that we can handle our emotions in ways that are safe and constructive; we have alternatives to our old defenses and inhibitory emotions and we can let them go. From here we can relax into an openhearted state.

“[W]e cannot  think our way through a core emotion; it must be experienced viscerally to be processed,” Hilary Jacobs Hendel, It’s Not Always Depression

Because defenses and inhibitory emotions protect us from core emotions, it can be difficult to know what we are feeling. Emotions are felt in the body, and Hendel describes was of slowing down to scan the body, assess our sensations and use this information to uncover our core emotions.

I’m not a therapist, but I can see the benefit of the framework. It gives someone a way to identify what they are doing and feeling. It can give one words to describe what one is experiencing and a process for exploring that experience. Its ultimate aim is to retrain the brain so one can let go of behaviors that are no longer helpful an embrace new ways of coping that allow for one to feel emotions and at the same time have the calm and clear mind to deal with situations constructively.

It is hard to do justice to these ideas in a few paragraphs. If you are looking for a way to deal with depression and anxiety, this book may be helpful. Even so, if your issues are severe, you should not abandon professional help from a physician or therapist. You may need a guide to help you through the process. There is no shame in that. We all need help when we are learning something new.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

The Mindful Way through Depression by Mark Williams et al

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Hendel, Hilary Jacobs. It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self. New York: Spiegel & Grau, 2018.

The Power of Nice by Linda Kaplan Thaler & Robin Koval

Nice guys do not finish last. According to advertising executives Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval, authors of The Power of Nice, kindness, generosity, empathy pay off even in the business world.

Kindness is a great way to make a positive impression, and those impressions can come back multiplied. In addition, you never know when the one you’re showing kindness to someone who has the will and means to extravagantly repay you, though you shouldn’t go around with a fake generosity hoping some of your supposed goodness will bind a jinni to your service. Be good because it is good, but don’t be surprised when the little people you help along the way become big people who want to help you.

Niceness should become automatic, a way you treat people all the time, whoever they are. You’ll know when you’re being genuine and when you’re being fake, and let the knowledge lead you to be genuinely kind. Extend it to cover even your rivals; if you can’t convert them, you’ll neutralize them to some degree.

Even if you don’t have much to give, be a giver. Even little gestures, smiles, and a helpful hand count. One of the seemingly most simple, but in practice difficult, things to give is your attention. Few things move a person as much as the sense that someone genuinely listened to them; and it is a great way to learn.

The skill at the heart of all this is empathy. I use the word skill because Kaplan Thaler and Koval write about how people can improve their empathy. First, listen to the emotion words; people are telling you how they feel if you will listen. Consider how what you say and do will affect others. Finally, don’t assume the actions of others are about you; they have other stuff going on.

This is a short book and full of anecdotes. If you’re looking for a quick read touching on the emotional side of business with practical advice, this will suit your needs.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Eat That Cookie! by Liz Jazwiec

It’s Not About Me by Max Lucado

The Velveteen Principles by Toni Raiten-D’Antonio

Why Good Things Happen to Good People by Stephen Post and Jill Neimark

Kaplan Thaler, Linda, & Robin Koval. The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness. New York: Currency, 2006.

American Nerd by Benjamin Nugent

What makes a nerd a nerd? In American Nerd, Benjamin Nugent doesn’t try to put aside nerdy stereotypes. He gives them a context.

Nerds are people who seem to others to be like machines.  They are often passionate about a technical interest, they use jargon, they avoid confrontation, they favor logic over emotion, and they enjoy working with machines.

One of the interesting things about the book is that Nugent provides examples of machine-like nerds from literature.  The prototypical nerd is Victor Frankenstein of the Mary Shelley masterpiece.  Frankenstein has a powerful intellect and technical skill.  After all he makes a body from corpses and brings it to life.  On the other hand, he lacks emotional depth and the ability to connect.  Shelley shows this in his withdrawal from family and in his inability to cope with his creation when it is a living being.

Of course, nerds are not machines.  One thing that makes them nerd is their passion for their interests.  No machine is passionate.  Even though nerds are passionate, they generally aren’t comfortable with emotionalism.  People send out a mass of confusing and contradictory signals.  Nerds prefer lower-noise communication that is direct, rational, formal, and rule bound.

In this regard, Nugent compares nerds to people with Asperger’s syndrome.  Asperger’s involves difficulty in reading the emotional cues of others and in affecting appropriate responses.  It a result of their neurological makeup; Asperger’s has a physiological basis.  Because of this, people with the condition share with nerd’s preference for formalized communication, social discomfort, and attraction to scientific and technical fields where logic and rules prevail.  Nerds don’t necessarily have Asperger’s, but people with Asperger’s might often end up becoming nerds.

While I’m on that subject, I thought it was interesting that Nugent cited research about Asperger’s and engineering, my own profession.  There is evidence that suggests that autism spectrum disorders appear in engineers more than in the rest of the population.  Also, 15 percent of people with Asperger’s have an engineer in their family, about three times the typical frequency.

In many ways, engineering is a profession of logic and rules.  It also calls for creativity and social skills.  A project of any size is the work of several people.  Engineers have to work with their peers and often with people from other fields:  CADD operators, equipment operators, architects, surveyors, contractors, skilled laborers, craftsmen, lawyers, accountants, and government regulators just to name a few.  The social aspect of practicing engineering, and the inherently social mission of the profession, is greatly underplayed.

Nugent points out that the dichotomy between head and heart, thinking and feeling, drawn by Romantic authors and popular teenagers to distinguish the machine-like from the genuinely human, the in crowd from the nerds, is not necessarily a true one.  To support this argument, he calls on T. S. Eliot’s critique of Romanticism and defense of metaphysical poets.  The Romantics appealed to the heart, but the metaphysical poets used heart and head together, little distinguishing between thoughts and feelings, and produced affecting poems that were also full of ideas.  We don’t have to choose between following our hearts and using our heads; if we’re wise we’ll do both.

If you’re looking to understand what nerds are into, you probably won’t find much in this book that you don’t already know.  If you’d like a look at the origins of the idea of nerdiness and a thoughtful theory of what makes nerds nerds, Nugent’s book will fill the bill.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Arthur & George by Julian Barnes

The Essential Engineer by Henry Petroski

How to Build an Android by David F. Dufty

Men of Tomorrow by Gerard Jones

Quiet by Susan Cain

Nugent, Benjamin.  American Nerd: The Story of My People.  New York: Scribner, 2008.

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The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

Spiritual growth is the heart of mental health as described by psychiatrist M. Scott Peck in his book The Road Less Traveled. The path of growth Peck describes is not often taken because it involves pain, discipline and stretching. The rewards of this life are great, but they are obtained through effort.

People forgo growth, and sometime develop mental problems, because they refuse to accept a difficult fact: life is hard. Unfortunately, they often put themselves through a lot of extra pain for a longer period than they might have suffered if they would accept and deal with challenges in the first place.

Later in the book, Peck characterizes this as a kind of laziness. It is refusal to extend oneself and put effort into mastering life. The extension of oneself for the purpose of spiritual growth (your own or another’s) is the essence of love in Peck’s view. Laziness is the opposite of love.

Love is one of the main elements of spiritual growth. This love is not primarily emotion. It is commitment. It is respect for others and the distinction of others as unique individuals. It it is the effort one puts into growing and helping others to grow.

Emotions are important. They are fuel for action. To be effective in supporting growth, emotions must be disciplined.

“Passion is feeling of great depth. The fact that a feeling is uncontrolled is no indication that it is in any way deeper than a feeling that is disciplined.” M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled

Discipline is another major practice for growth. Discipline is not beating up on yourself. It is accepting responsibility for your life and dealing with reality. It is the practice of giving up things for the purpose of taking hold of more valuable things. Proper discipline is not rigid but it helps us to be flexible and enlarge ourselves.

Love and discipline work together. As Peck frames it, successful psychotherapy occurs when a patient is ready to discipline himself and a therapist can create a relationship of love that supports that discipline.

This is just the beginning of growth. In the latter chapter of the book, Peck shifts to other elements, particularly religion. For Peck, religion is your conception is your conception of how the world works. Even a scientific worldview is a religion.

Religion is also where we can grapple with mystery, especially the mystery of grace, which is important to growth. Peck sees grace in many areas, such as serendipity and the strange knowingness of our unconscious minds.

If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in

Get Smart! by Brian Tracy

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

Peck, M. Scott. The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth. New York: Touchstone, 1978.