I first glanced through David Deida’s
The Way of the Superior Man several
years ago. I seemed far out to me. When I saw it recommended in another book (You are a Badass by Jen Sincero), I
decided to read it. It’s still far out there.
Deida’s premise is that sexual passion has its source in the attraction
of opposite poles, masculine and feminine energies. The book is written as if
to a men with strong masculine sexual energy who are attracted to women with
strong feminine energy, but he believes that the underlying concept applies to
any sex or sexual orientation. The essential polarity is masculine and
feminine, not male and female.
Masculine energy is purposeful and giving. Men have gifts for the world
and they are only fulfilled when they are giving their gifts wholeheartedly.
Problems arise when men shirk their purpose and put aside sacrifice for
the sake of comfort and distraction. If a man allows himself to be diverted, he
will have problems in sexual relationships as well as other aspects of life.
Women represent a paradox for men. Feminine energy is focused on
relationship, no purpose. However, a woman with strong feminine energy is
attracted to a man with strong masculine energy. She wants him to be committed
to his purpose as his first priority, but she also wants his devotion and
security in the relationship. She will test him in both areas and tempt him to
see if he is weak in either.
This may make it seem like women have conflicting desires and spend
their days dreaming up ways to drive men crazy. Deida disagrees. What women
want is for their men to be all they can be, to be their best selves. A woman
can relax with such a man, trust him and allow her own feminine energy to flow.
Deida puts the relationship for successful relationships and satisfying
sex on the shoulders of men. If you want it, you have to step up and be the
kind of man who can be true to his highest calling and best self even in the
face of fear and pain.
Sex
is more than an act we perform. It is bound up in who we are, our passion for
life and our capacity for intimacy.
If you’re interested in this book, you may also be interested in
Deida, David. The Way of the
Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering Women, Work, and Sexual Desire.
1997.
Boulder, CO:
Sounds True,
2004.
