The concept of flow has become popular over the last couple of decades.
According to social psychologist Susan K. Perry, couples can experience flow in their relationships. She describes how in Loving in Flow.
Couples who experience
flow are engaged, often in everyday things. The take
pleasure in their relationship and want to keep it going. The lose
self-consciousness and develop a sense of “us.”
Flow is not a state you
can stay in all of the time. You can learn to fall into flow more easily and
stay in it longer. Ordinary couples with ordinary problems can experience more
flow.
Perry covers a log of
ground in this book. She gives advice dealing with conflict, better communication, a happier sex life, protecting your relationship from an affair and other potential areas of problems
or improvements.
Along the way she shares
stories of her own marriage and of couples she interviewed. She
and her husband overcame things that have broken
other marriages and moved on to something much better. You might find something
to connect to, even hope, in the experiences of these couples.
Because she covers a lot
of ground, I sometime lost the thread of flow. Attention seems to be an important aspect of
flow working in a relationship. By focusing on you connection to you partner and
the value of your relationship, you can keep other things in perspective. You can see what is going on around
you and inside of you that may be a trigger for arguments. You attention to and
care for your partner’s feelings will make you more empathetic. Focus on your partner can intensify
connection during moments of intimacy, such as when you’re having sex. You
magnify what you attend to, so give attention to what is best in your partner
and the life you share to enjoy it and to fall in love again and again.
Perry provides a lot of
practical advice. Readers will likely find several things they can do. The may
also find encouragement in the tales of couples that overcame obstacles and
gained a source of great satisfaction.
If you’re interested in
this book, you may also be interested in
Perry, Susan K. Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay that Way. Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks Casablanca, 2003.
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